Revising with Strong Verbs: Finding Filters

Multiple Choice

SHE SAW A LION. Which revision is strongest?

• She saw a very scary lion.

• A lion pounced across the puddle.

• There was a lion. The lion was pouncing.

Multiple Choice

I HEARD A NOISE. Which revision is strongest?

• I heard cars.

• I heard a very loud noise. The loud noise was cars.

• Cars screeched around the corner.

Multiple Choice

IT LOOKS SCARY. Which revision is strongest?

• Blood drips from its claws.

• It is super scary because it has bloody claws.

• It has wild eyes.

Multiple Choice

I TRY TO STOP FEELING AFRAID. Which revision is strongest?

• I try to stop feeling fear.

• I try to be very brave and very confident.

• I try to squish 

  that tiny black fear 

  between my fingers.

Open Ended

Read the first draft and revision below then respond to the questions that follow.

FIRST DRAFT: He looked weird and sort of scared and creepy.

REVISION: Fingers tremble from inside a pocket; a broad grin splits a freckled face, a hint of fear spikes bloodshot eyes.

ONE: What filter did the author cut? 

TWO: How did she revise with action verbs?  

THREE: How does her revision strengthen the description?

Open Ended

Write your own revision of this sentence: She looks nice.