English II STAAR Prep - Revising

English II STAAR Prep - Revising

Making Your Essay SOUND Better

REVISING - to re-examine and make alterations to (written or printed matter).

When revising your essay, you are changing the meaning or way in which the reader perceives, experiences and interprets it.

This can be accomplished by:

• Adding – sentences and words

• Removing – words or sentences you don’t need

• Moving – change a word or placement of a sentence

• Substituting – trade words or sentences for new ones

Revising includes:

• Adding new thoughts

• Clarifying existing thoughts

• Choosing more descriptive words

• Improving overall clarity of ideas presented

• Adding more detail

• Eliminating unnecessary elements

REVISING PRACTICE

DIRECTIONS: Read the selection and choose the best answer to each question. You will check your answers on Monday, April 5th.

Make sure this is complete by class time.

J.T. wrote this paper about a unique Japanese activity. Read the paper and look for any revisions J.T. should make. Then answer the questions that follow.You

"In Sync" (Use the following for question #1)

(1) Texas is known for its superb high school marching bands. (2) Each week during football season, thousands of students take to the field to display their musical and marching talents. (3) These same students also compete in local, state, and national competitions and exhibitions. (4) However, marching bands aren’t found in just this state or even just this country. (5) But in one country there are marchers who skip the music component all together. (6) Students at Japan’s Nippon Sports Science University, NSSU, participate in an intricate marching-like exhibition known as precision walking.

Multiple Choice

J.T. would like to add the following sentence to the first paragraph (sentences 1–6).

"Students from around the world are also part of musical marching groups."

1.) Where is the most effective place to insert this sentence?

• A. After sentence 1

• B. After sentence 2

• C. After sentence 3

• D. After sentence 4

Use the following for questions 2-4

(7) NSSU students have perfected the nearly 50-year-old tradition of shuudan koudou, which means “collective action.” (8) The collective action is a carefully choreographed display of synchronized walking. (9) Identically dressed students walk forward and backward to form lines and shapes, even crossing between one another at times. (10) There are no musical cues for the students to use as they march in the changing formations. (11) Furthermore, they walk in perfect step by following the direction of an announcer. (12) Directors bellow loud, sharp commands, such as “Front row, turn left!” and “Cross walk,” over a loudspeaker. (13) And with each command, the students fall into perfect alignment. (14) Even the swing of their arms is synchronized. (15) A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display that is visible.

(16) To prepare for an exhibition, students practice three days a week for five months at a time. (17) They participate in training exercises to help get them in shape. (18) During this time it is estimated that they walk more than 700 miles, which is about the same distance as walking across the entire state of Texas! (19) Many of the students at NSSU will go on to become coaches, physical education teachers, and trainers. (20) The university also offers master’s and doctoral degree programs. (21) Keiko Suzuki, captain of the 2014 walking team, says that by participating in precision walking, she and her classmates will be better

Multiple Choice

(10) There are no musical cues for the students to use as they march in the changing formations. (11) Furthermore, they walk in perfect step by following the direction of an announcer. (12) Directors bellow loud, sharp commands, such as “Front row, turn left!” and “Cross walk,” over a loudspeaker.

2.) J.T. wants to use a more appropriate transition in sentence 11.

Which of the following can best replace Furthermore in this sentence?

• F. For example

• G. In conclusion

• H. Overall

• J. Instead

Multiple Choice

(15) A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display that is visible.

3.) What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 15?

• A. A misstep by just one student and a flaw is created that is visible in the perfectly coordinated display.

• B. A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw in the perfectly coordinated display.

• C. A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display, the flaw is visible.

• D. A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw that can be seen in the perfectly coordinated display.

Multiple Choice

J.T. has included an extraneous sentence in his paper.

4. Which of these sentences should be deleted from this paper?

• F. Sentence 9

• G. Sentence 13

• H. Sentence 18

• J. Sentence 20

"Make the Switch" Use the following for question 5

(1) Sweating during a summer afternoon in Texas, people gaze into convenience-store refrigerators. (2) They select chilled bottles of water and stand in line at the register, where they might pay more than $2.00 per bottle. (3) After chugging the water, they toss the bottles into the trash. (4) What’s wrong with this picture? (5) Consumers pay far too much for a drink of water, and those same bottles clog oceans and contaminate the soil. (6) This needs to stop now!

Multiple Choice

5.) Mimi’s essay does not have a strong position statement.

Which of the following sentences should replace sentence 6 to serve as an effective position statement?

• A. It’s foolish to buy several bottles of water each day when there’s no good reason for doing this.

• B. People need to stop doing this now and protest against bottled-water companies.

• C. These problems can be solved, however, if people choose to drink water from reusable containers instead of plastic bottles.

• D. The list of problems that people are causing, such as increasing pollution, by buying bottled water is endless.

Use the following for question #6

(7) Although bottled water is often advertised for its purity, the quality of this water is not necessarily better than that of tap water. (8) Bottled water may be attractively packaged. (9) It is simply processed tap water. (10) In fact, there is reason to be concerned about its contents in many cases. (11) When plastic is exposed to heat, it can release harmful chemicals into the water, chemicals that scientists have linked to illnesses. (12) The government regulates only 30–40% of

Multiple Choice

6.) What is the most effective way to combine sentences 8 and 9?

(8) Bottled water may be attractively packaged. (9) It is simply processed tap water.

• F. Bottled water may be attractively packaged, but it is simply processed tap water.

• G. Bottled water is simply processed tap water because it is attractively packaged.

• H. Bottled water may be attractively packaged, so it is simply processed tap water.

• J. Bottled water is attractively packaged, because it is simply processed tap water

Use the following for question #6 and #7

(14) The safety of bottled water not only raises health concerns, but bottled water is also significantly overpriced in comparison to tap water. (15) In fact, it can cost as much as 2,000 times more than tap water. (16) For instance, at eight glasses a day, the yearly cost for tap water is about 50 cents. (17) The same amount of bottled water would cost well over $1,000. (18) Most people can probably think of better ways to spend that money.

(19) The unnecessary use of bottles causes environmental damage at several stages. (20) Consider the resources used to produce and transport bottled water. (21) Also consider that chemicals are released by these many bottles when they are discarded into landfills over hundreds of years and decompose. (22) Other bottles may end up in rivers, lakes, and oceans. (23) The Ocean Conservancy has determined that every square mile of the ocean is contaminated with 46,000 pieces of plastic.

Multiple Choice

(14) The safety of bottled water not only raises health concerns, but bottled water is also significantly overpriced in comparison to tap water. ........(19) The unnecessary use of bottles causes environmental damage at several stages.

(7.) Mimi wants to improve the transition between the third paragraph (sentences 14–18) and the fourth paragraph (sentences 19–23).Which sentence can be added before sentence 19 to accomplish this goal?

• A. Because bottled water can cost so much, a reusable water bottle is a wise investment.

• B. People think bottled water is harmless, and other plastic containers are just as bad.

• C. Money is a concern for many people, so it should be saved whenever possible.

• D. Bottled water is a huge monetary expense, but the cost to our planet is even greater.

Multiple Choice

(21) Also consider that chemicals are released by these many bottles when they are discarded into landfills over hundreds of years and decompose.

8.) What is the most effective way to revise sentence 21?

• F. Also consider that many bottles are discarded into landfills, where the bottles release chemicals as they decompose over hundreds of years.

• G. Also consider that landfills are filled with released chemicals, where they decompose many discarded bottles over hundreds of years.

• H. These bottles, decomposing over hundreds of years, should also be considered to release chemicals where they have been discarded into landfills.

• J. Over hundreds of years, landfills are filled with many bottles, and it should also be considered that the bottles decompose and release chemicals.

Use the following for question #9

(24) As consumers, we can help our budgets and our world with one simple choice: make the switch to reusable water bottles! (25) For only about $10 to $15, one can buy a reusable bottle that is not only useful but looks great too. (26) Reusable water bottles come in a variety of colors and styles. (27) Many come with hooks that attach to backpacks or straps that allow the bottles to be worn on the body. (28) Reusable bottles with filters are also available so that tap water can be further purified before drinking. (29) With all of these great features, there’s really no reason to buy plastic water bottles ever again.

Multiple Choice

9.) Mimi wants to conclude her essay by motivating her readers to take action. Which of the following statements should she insert after sentence 29 to accomplish this goal?

• A. The future of our planet depends on people like you doing away with a terrible threat—plastic water bottles.

• B. We should make the decision today to be smart about our finances and responsible with our planet by opting for reusable water bottles.

• C. Think of how much you can help the fish in our lakes, rivers, and oceans by avoiding bottled water.

• D. Choose reusable water bottles, and watch your savings grow.

YOU DID IT!!

Click Submit on the HUB Assignment to notify me that you have completed it.

We will check our answers on Monday, April 5th.