Revising and Editing

Revising/Editing Intervention

Editing Passage #1

(1) Visions of Mikayla’s favorite cooking show flashed through her mind. (2) How exactly did Chef Luciano toss the pizza dough to flatten it and make a perfect circle? (3) Mikayla placed the dough on her right fist and then spins it into the air, trying to mimic the chef. (4) Unfortunately she didn’t realize how difficult it would be to control flying dough. (5) Moments later dough bits hung from the ceiling, clung to the counter, and fell to the floor. (6) Mikayla’s parents surveyed the messy kitchen when they arrived home although they were surprised, they were not upset about her attempt to make pizza for dinner. (7) “How about going to Tony’s Pizzeria tonight?” suggested Mikayla’s dad with a grin. (8) “Surely someone at the restauront can show you how to properly twirl pizza dough.”

Multiple Choice

What change should be made in sentence 3?

(3) Mikayla placed the dough on her right fist and then spins it into the air, trying to mimic the chef.

• Insert a comma after fist

• Change then to than

• Change spins to spun

• Change it to them

Multiple Choice

What is the correct way to write sentence 6?

(6) Mikayla’s parents surveyed the messy kitchen when they arrived home although they were surprised, they were not upset about her attempt to make pizza for dinner.

• Mikayla’s parents surveyed the messy kitchen when they arrived home, although they were surprised. They were not upset, about her attempt to make pizza for dinner.

• Mikayla’s parents surveyed the messy kitchen when they arrived home. Although they were surprised, they were not upset about her attempt to make pizza for dinner.

• Mikayla’s parents surveyed the messy kitchen when they arrived home. Although they were surprised, they were not upset. About her attempt to make pizza for dinner.

Multiple Choice

What change should be made in sentence 8?

(8) “Surely someone at the restauront can show you how to properly twirl pizza dough.”

• Change Surely to Similarly

• Change restauront to restaurant

• Change you to them

• Change properly to proper

Revising Passage Part 1

(1) It’s no secret that kids our age enjoy spending time on a computer or a cell phone. (2) Health experts tell us that we need to exercise for at least an hour a day, but tearing ourselves away from our electronic devices can be hard. (3) Playing a team sport is one way to get this exercise, but not every kid wants to join a team. (4) For anyone who wants a fun, healthy way to exercise at his or her own pace, I have a suggestion: take a martial-arts class! (5) It’s truly a great way to get in shape and learn.

Multiple Choice

Which sentence should replace sentence 5 to provide a more effective claim at the end of the introductory paragraph?

(4) For anyone who wants a fun, healthy way to exercise at his or her own pace, I have a suggestion: take a martial-arts class! (5) It’s truly a great way to get in shape and learn.

• Learning and practicing self-defense can help improve your physical fitness, mental focus, self-discipline, and social skills.

• You might find that learning and practicing self-defense is more fun and rewarding than spending time using electronic devices.

• Health experts would probably agree that learning and practicing self-defense is a great way to get in shape and learn new skills.

Revising Passage Part 2

(6) I know from experience that studying martial arts can help you improve your physical fitness. (7) I began taking karate at age seven when my parents insisted I get off the couch and “do something.” (8) At first it was difficult for me to complete the kicking, punching, and blocking drills in karate. (9) I practiced every week to get my heart pumping and at striking foam pads with my hands to help improve my technique. (10) My dedication paid off, and I eventually worked my way up to the rank of brown belt. (11) I love feeling healthier and knowing that I can defend myself if necessary.

Multiple Choice

Rose wants to add another detail to help support the ideas in the second paragraph (sentences 6–11). Which sentence should replace sentence 10 to accomplish this goal?

(10) My dedication paid off, and I eventually worked my way up to the rank of brown belt.

• My parents were happy that I made so many friends in karate class.

• I did not realize kids my age could earn such high ranks in a martial-arts class.

• I have become stronger, faster, and better coordinated than I was when I first started.

Revising Passage Part 3

(12) As if the physical benefits weren’t enough, participating in martial arts also helps kids develop strong mental focus. (13) Classes usually begin with breathing exercises and a time of silence to help clear the mind. (14) By engaging in these activities, students learn how to train their minds to be calm and alert. (15) Developing strong mental focus helps participants respond to an instructor’s commands and helps participants sense when to adjust their form. (16) Instructors teach students how to focus their energy so they can kick and punch with more power and accuracy. (17) Having strong mental focus helps students defeat their opponents during a match. 

Multiple Choice

Which transition is the BEST transition to add at the beginning of sentence 16?

(15) Developing strong mental focus helps participants respond to an instructor’s commands and helps participants sense when to adjust their form. (16) Instructors teach students how to focus their energy so they can kick and punch with more power and accuracy.

• Additionally

• As a result

• Later

• In other words