Revising & Editing

His name was given to him by his grandmother, which means “brave one” in another language.

What is the most effective revision to make?  

• His name, which means “brave one” in another language, was given to him by his grandmother.
• Since his name was given to him by his grandmother, it means “brave one” in another language.
• His name was given to him by his grandmother, it means “brave one” in another language.
• Given to him by a grandmother, in another language, his name means “brave one.” 

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C

When Thomas missed him, he would sit in the woods, and the sound of the birds chirping was what he would listen to.

What is the most effective revision to make? 

• Thomas would watch and listen to the sounds of birds chirping when he missed him in the woods. 
• When Thomas missed him, he would sit in the woods he would watch and listen to the sounds of birds chirping.  
• Thomas would watch, and he would listen to the sounds of birds chirping in the woods when he missed him. 
• When Thomas missed him, he would sit in the woods and listen to the sound of birds chirping. 

Tags

CCSS.L.2.1F

CCSS.L.3.1H

CCSS.L.3.1I

CCSS.L.5.1E

CCSS.L.7.1B

Eric loved to visit with Professor Wilson. He was an elderly man whose education had led him to teach at the local university.
 
What is the most effective way to combine the sentences? 

• Eric loved to visit with Professor Wilson while he was an elderly man whose education had led him to teach at the local university.
• Eric loved to visit with Professor Wilson, an elderly man whose education had led him to teach at the local university. 
• Eric loved to visit with Professor Wilson and an elderly man whose education had led him to teach at the local university. 
• Eric loved to visit with Professor Wilson, he was an elderly man whose education had led him to teach at the local university. 

Looking for her dog, the shelter is where she went.
 
What is the most effective revision to make in the sentence? 

• Looking for her dog, the young girl went into the shelter. 
• She looked for her dog, she went into the shelter. 
• Looking for her dog was when she went into the shelter. 
• No revision needed in the sentence. 

With a fun class and the homework was challenging, the girl became interested and smart, and she was able to make it into college.

What is the most effective revision to make in the sentence? 

• The class was fun and the homework was challenging, the girl became interested and smart, and she was able to make it into college. 
• With a fun class and challenging homework, the girl became interested and smart; she was able to make it into college. 
• The fun class and challenging homework that caused the girl to become interested and smart was able to make it into college. 
• With a fun class and challenging homework, so the girl became interested and smart; she was able to make it into college. 

The boss tries to help the customer, but once they are ready, the others, she has to move on with business.
 
What is the most effective way to combine the sentences? 

• The boss tries to help the customer and move on with business for the other customers who are ready.
• The boss tries to help the other customers, who are ready, then she has to move with business. 
• The boss tries to help me, but once the other customers are ready, she has to move on with business. 
• The boss tries to help the customer, once the other customers are ready, she has to move on with business. 

I believe that a life with friendship will help make you a happier person and a better person. 
 
What is the best way to revise the sentence? 

• I believe that a life with friendship is a life that will be making you a happier and better person.
• I believe that a life with friendship, it will make you a happier person, and it will make you a better person.
• I believe that a day with friendship is good, it will help make you a happier person, who will be a better person.
• I believe that a life with friendship will make you a happier and better person. 

One half of the room was designed for sleeping. The other half of the room was designed for storing supplies.
 
What is the most effective revision to make in the sentence? 

• One half of the room was designed for sleeping, the other half of the room was designed for storing supplies.
• While one half the room was designed for sleeping, the other half of the room was designed for storing supplies.
• One half of the room was designed for sleeping or the other half of the room was designed for storing supplies.
• While one half of the room was designed for sleeping, there is the other half that is designed to store supplies.

He was learning how to solve equations. He found a trick that would make it easier.
 
What is the most effective way to combine the 2 sentences? 

• While learning how to solve equations, he found a trick that would make it easier.
• He was learning how to solve equations because he found a trick that would make it easier.
• While learning how to solve equations, a trick that he figured out made it easier.
• He was learning to solves the equations, then, he found a trick that would make it easier. 

Tags

CCSS.L.11-12.3A

CCSS.L.7.1C

The students at the school were encouraged by their teacher’s positive attitude and by their teacher’s happy attitude.

What is the best way to revise the sentence?

• The students at the school were encouraged when their teacher’s happy and positive attitude encouraged them.
• The students at the school were encouraged by their teacher’s happy and positive attitude.
• The students at the school were encouraged by their teacher, who had her happy and positive attitude.
• The students at the school were encouraged by their teacher, her positive and happy attitude.