Good vs. Best

Nikki needs to establish a more effective controlling idea in her paper. Which rewrite of sentence 8 can BEST accomplish this goal?

(4) How do all those planes stay on course without hitting one another? (5) The answer can be found in our nation’s air traffic control towers. (6) In tower after tower, behind dizzying arrays of knobs, buttons, and screens, crews of air traffic controllers are busily working. (7) These people have one of the most important jobs in the world. (8) They keep you and me safe.

• The nation’s air traffic controllers have to sit in front of computer screens.

• They work day and night to keep millions of air travelers safe.

• With so many planes in the sky, they are critical folks.

• The air traffic controllers are important contributors to the scene.

What is the BEST revision to make in sentence 13?

(12) After you get clearance from the tower, you’ll head to the runway. (13) Controllers on the ground will let you know which runway to use and when it’s your turn to take off.

• Controllers on the ground will let you know which runway to use they’ll also let you know when it’s your turn to take off.

• Controllers on the ground will let you know which runway to use. And when it’s your turn to take off.

• Controllers are on the ground which will let you know which runway to use and when it’s your turn to take off.

• Sentence 13 does not need to be revised.

What is the BEST way to combine sentences 16 and 17?

(16) You’ll move from one part of the country to another. (17) You’ll be handed off from one regional control center to another.

• However, you’ll move from one part of the country to another when you’ll be handed off from one regional control center to another.

• As you move from one part of the country to another, you’ll be handed off from one regional control center to another.

• You’ll move from one part of the country to another, you’ll be handed off from one regional control center to another.

• You’ll move from one part of the country to another after you’ll be handed off from one regional control center to another.

What is the most effective way to revise sentence 25?

(25) With regular exercise and the diet was strict, Dudley grew trim and sleek, and he was able to make the first cut.

• The exercise was regular and the diet was strict, Dudley grew trim and sleek, and he was able to make the first cut.

• With regular exercise and a strict diet, Dudley grew trim and sleek; he was able to make the first cut.

• The regular exercise and strict diet that caused Dudley to grow trim and sleek was able to make the first cut.

• With regular exercise the diet was strict, so Dudley grew trim and sleek; he was able to make the first cut.

What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 17?

(17) Searching the Internet, Dudley was found listed for sale.

• Searching the Internet, she found Dudley listed for sale

• She searched the Internet, she found Dudley listed for sale.

• Searching the Internet was where she found Dudley listed for sale.

• No revision is needed in sentence 17.