Curriculum Vitae

What is the purpose of a CV ?

• To provide instructions for making a cake.

• To highlight how to pass your driving test.

• To indicate your personal details, academic achievements and employment details.

• To pump up a tyre.

With reference to your email address, it should be made to sound...

• Professional

• Unrealistic

• Ludicrous

• Alarming

Refer to your degree studies immediately because of the competition between...

• Novices

• Graduates

• Delinquents

• Shoppers

How do you outline your educational achievements ?

• Make up the answers as you go along.

• Phone a friend.

• Use Siri

• Provide details in sequential order.

What other detail are you required to provide on your CV ?

• Experience in the workplace.

• Number of holidays taken each year.

• The names of your pets.

• How you intend to spend your Christmas.

What other detail should you provide on your CV ?

• Your ability to mow the lawn

• Your ability to read the time

• Your I.T. skills

• Your texting ability

Your personal details should outline...

• How many drinks you consume each night

• Your PIN numbers

• Your body measurements

• Your interests and hobbies

You will need to provide references to support your CV. Who will provide these ?

• Academic journals

• Employers

• Inmates

• Members of the Royal Family

What should you not provide on your CV ?

• Your date of birth

• Your name

• Your qualifications

• Your previous experience

What is another name for a CV ?

• Legumes

• ITunes

• Resume

• Flume