Self-Compassion: Read and Respond

Self-compassion is when you treat yourself with care and kindness. Practicing self-compassion can help you feel happier and less stressed. It can also build resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back after a tough situation. Imagine that you tripped and fell while running. You could be mad at yourself and never run again, or you could say, “I’ll try again next time.” Self-compassion helps us get up after a mistake and start again.

Based on the passage, resilience

• is something that happens when you run.

• helps you overcome difficulties.

• often makes people feel angry.

• is impossible to achieve.

Self-compassion is often confused with self-esteem. Both ideas are about how we feel about ourselves. Self-esteem is usually based on our successes and failures or how we compare to other people. If you made the winning goal in your soccer game, you might have high self-esteem. If you got the worst grade out of all your friends, you might have low self-esteem.

Self-compassion is different because it doesn’t change based on how you do. It’s about treating yourself nicely no matter what grade you get or how many goals you score. With self-compassion, we accept and respect everything about ourselves.

Self-esteem is different from self-compassion because self-esteem

• goes up and down as you succeed or fail.

• doesn’t change based on daily events.

• is about how you feel about yourself.

• is always positive.

An important part of self-compassion is self-kindness. That means you should be as kind and understanding with yourself as you would be with a friend. People sometimes think or say mean things to themselves when they make a mistake. For example, if you don’t make the soccer team, you might think, “I’m such a loser.” But you probably wouldn’t call your best friend a loser. You would tell her that it’s OK, and she’ll do better next time. The next time you feel like calling yourself a bad name or criticizing yourself, think of how you would talk to a friend. Remember to be a friend to yourself.

The author of the passage would most likely agree with which of these statements?

• It’s normal to be mean to your friends.

• We should never have disagreements with our friends.

• Sometimes we treat our friends better than we treat ourselves.

• Calling ourselves names is the best way to deal with our problems.

Another component of self-compassion is acknowledging and respecting your humanity. Everyone on the planet sometimes succeeds and sometimes fails. Making mistakes is part of what makes you a person. You are never alone in feeling happy, sad, angry, afraid, excited or any other emotion. Let yourself feel your feelings—that’s called mindfulness. Pushing them aside, judging them or pretending they don’t exist will only make you feel worse. Remember that it’s OK to have emotions, but try not to let them take over your brain or behavior. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone about how you feel.

Based on the passage, which of the following is the best definition of mindfulness?

• pretending to feel happy so you won’t disappoint others

• feeling happy when you fail because you’re human

• recognizing your emotions without judgment

• acting as though you don’t have problems

Being kind to yourself can feel really difficult at times. If you’re not used to practicing self-compassion, the little voice in your head may automatically say mean things about you. One strategy that can help: changing your negative self-talk into something more neutral. After getting a bad grade on an essay, your inner voice might say, “I’m so dumb. I’m never going to be a good writer.” Instead of accepting this self-talk, try reframing your thoughts into something less negative. For example, you could say, “I have trouble with writing. I could use extra help with that.” Now, instead of judging yourself, you are just stating a fact. You may have a problem, but you can find the solution.

Which of the following is an example of neutral self-talk?

• “I have no one to sit with at lunch because nobody likes me. Why am I so boring and stupid?”

• “I wish I could be an actress when I grow up, but I’m too ugly and not talented enough.”

• “What a dummy I am for forgetting my homework! I promised I wouldn’t forget this time.”

• “I struggle with dribbling in basketball, but I can practice to get better.”

Coming up with a mantra can help you develop self-compassion. A mantra is a word, phrase or sentence that you can repeat to yourself throughout the day or just when you’re feeling bad. Choose a mantra that’s easy for you to remember. The best mantra is one that comforts you and makes you feel good. Here are some examples: “I am enough,” “I deserve love and care” and “Be kind.” When you repeat these words, over time you’ll start to believe them.

Which of the following is not true about mantras?

• They’re usually short.

• They’re usually negative.

• They should be easy to remember.

• They can be repeated throughout the day.