Revision/Editing Practice

(9) Approximately seventy percent of today’s teenagers communicate within online social networks, according to the Pew Research Center. (10) A survey of almost 7,000 teens was conducted in 2014 by three Swiss researchers, and they found that many of the surveyed teens believed they were spending too much time on these social networking sites.(11) Additionally, these teens admitted that they miss spending time with real people. (12) Perhaps these teens are discovering what they have been suggesting for a while: spending time with others in real life is important.

How can Susan improve the clarity (make more clear/specific) of sentence 12?

• Change these teens to they

• Change they to researchers

• Change suggesting to saying

• Change a while to some time

(6) What caused these people to build an underground city in the Australian desert? (7) In 1915 14-year-old Willie Hutchison discovered some rich opal fields in the area. (8) After all, miners from all over the world flooded into the region to seek their fortunes. (9) The miners quickly learned that summer temperatures in the area could escalate to more than 100 degrees and scorch the land for months. (10) In today’s world of air conditioning, that may not seem unbearable, but in 1915 it was.

Anika has not used the most effective transition in sentence 8. Which of the following should replace After all in this sentence? (Plug-in each answer choice and see which one best fits)

• Soon

• Instead

• Finally

• Otherwise

(23) The fascinating city of Coober Pedy has become a popular destination for both tourists and filmmakers. (24) The citizens of Coober Pedy have certainly found a creative way to beat the heat, and the world has taken notice.

Which of these ideas could best follow and support sentence 23? (Pick the sentence that supports what sentence 23 is saying)

• Coober Pedy residents now make their livelihood in both the tourism industry and opal-mining industry, and this keeps most of the people working and able to provide for their families.

• Today the people in this town get the vast majority of their water from under ground from a source 24 kilometers away that has to be pumped in via an underground pipeline.

• More than 150,000 people visit the small town each year, and a host of movies, including Kangaroo Jack, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, and Opal Dream, have been filmed there.

• Since February of 1915, many of the highest-quality opals in the entire world have been found in Coober Pedy; in fact, Coober Pedy is sometimes even referred to as the opal capital of the world.

(9) Being able to hear those voices from the past is a privilage young people should be grateful to have.

What change should be made in sentence 9?

(Use a dictionary to check spelling)

• Insert a comma after past

• Change is to are

• Change privilage to privilege

• Change grateful to gratefull

(13) As a teen in the junior ranks, Ortiz became the first Mexican of any age to compete in the world freestyle kayak championships.

What change is needed in sentence 13?

(Remember: You can only use a semicolon if it is combining 2 COMPLETE sentences!)

• Change the comma after ranks to a semicolon

• Change became to becomes

• Insert a comma after age

• Change world freestyle kayak championships to World Freestyle Kayak Championships

(11) Evidence also suggests that the way you hold the rest of your body can affect how you feel. (12) Amy Cuddy did a study on how “power poses” affect people. (13) She is a social psychologist at Harvard University. (14) A power pose is a way of holding your body that suggests you’re in control of a situation. (15) It’s positioning your body in a way that says you have control. (16) Imagine a top executive at a major company leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head and his feet on the desk. (17) That’s a power pose. (18) So is standing tall with your feet slightly apart, your chest out, and your hands on your hips. (19) Cuddy measured people’s hormones after just two minutes of holding poses like these and opposed the results with the hormone levels of people who were slouched over or standing with their arms crossed. (20) She found that the people holding their body in a position of power had an increase in the hormone associated with dominance and the hormone associated with stress was decreased. (21) This suggests that those who hold their body confidently may actually start to feel more confident.

There is a redundant (unnecessary / repetitive) sentence in the third paragraph (sentences 11–21). Which of these sentences unnecessarily repeats information and should be deleted?

• Sentence 14

• Sentence 15

• Sentence 18

• Sentence 21

(11) Evidence also suggests that the way you hold the rest of your body can affect how you feel. (12) Amy Cuddy did a study on how “power poses” affect people. (13) She is a social psychologist at Harvard University. (14) A power pose is a way of holding your body that suggests you’re in control of a situation.

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 12 and 13? (Watch out for run-ons and comma splices. Read slowly and check the flow of the sentences.)

• Amy Cuddy did a study on how “power poses” affect people she is a social psychologist at Harvard University.

• Amy Cuddy did a study on how “power poses” affect people, a social psychologist at Harvard University.

• Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist at Harvard University, did a study on how “power poses” affect people.

• Amy Cuddy did a study, at Harvard University and with a social psychologist, on how “power poses” affect people.