4.11 (B)(C) REVISE

The grammatical errors in this passage are intentional.

Trip to the Zoo

K. Reiter  

The grammatical errors in this passage are intentional.

Piper wrote a paper about her experience at the local zoo. Read Piper’s paper and look for any revisions she needs to make. Then answer the questions that follow.

(1) I enjoy watching the different animals and learning about their habitats. (2) My sister and I go to the zoo at least three times a year. (3) We take as many pictures as possible of the animals.

(4) Last Sunday, my sister and I went to the zoo. (5) We stopped to watch the pink flamingos stand on one leg. (6) We took pictures of each other standing in front of them. (7) Then we moved onto the elephants. (8) A big red ball the baby elephant did play with. (9) The mother elephant sucked water from the pond and threw it up into the air with her trunk. (10) She entertained the crowd. (11) We laughed and snapped some pictures.

(12) My sister wanted to see the monkeys. (13) We could hear their loud screams as we rounded the corner. (14) We stopped outside of their cage.  (15) We watched as they quickly jumped from tree to tree. (16) We turned to take a selfie in front of the cage. (17) One of the monkeys leaped down and got right behind us. (18) The monkey had photo bombed our picture! (19) My sister and I could not stop laughing. (20) We went to a different spot and tried again. (21) That silly monkey snuck into our picture again. (22) Those shots were the best of the day.

(23) We made a new friend at the zoo. (24) We posted our pictures online for everyone to see. (25) This trip to the zoo was one of the best.

Harold has included an extraneous sentence in the second paragraph (sentences 9 - 15). Which sentence should be deleted from this paragraph? 

• The zoo is my favorite place to visit. 

• Once I saw a lion cub at the zoo. 

• I have been to the zoo six times. 

• My sister went on a field trip to the zoo. 

The grammatical errors in this passage are intentional.

Trip to the Zoo

K. Reiter  

The grammatical errors in this passage are intentional.

Piper wrote a paper about her experience at the local zoo. Read Piper’s paper and look for any revisions she needs to make. Then answer the questions that follow.

(1) I enjoy watching the different animals and learning about their habitats. (2) My sister and I go to the zoo at least three times a year. (3) We take as many pictures as possible of the animals.

(4) Last Sunday, my sister and I went to the zoo. (5) We stopped to watch the pink flamingos stand on one leg. (6) We took pictures of each other standing in front of them. (7) Then we moved onto the elephants. (8) A big red ball the baby elephant did play with. (9) The mother elephant sucked water from the pond and threw it up into the air with her trunk. (10) She entertained the crowd. (11) We laughed and snapped some pictures.

(12) My sister wanted to see the monkeys. (13) We could hear their loud screams as we rounded the corner. (14) We stopped outside of their cage.  (15) We watched as they quickly jumped from tree to tree. (16) We turned to take a selfie in front of the cage. (17) One of the monkeys leaped down and got right behind us. (18) The monkey had photo bombed our picture! (19) My sister and I could not stop laughing. (20) We went to a different spot and tried again. (21) That silly monkey snuck into our picture again. (22) Those shots were the best of the day.

(23) We made a new friend at the zoo. (24) We posted our pictures online for everyone to see. (25) This trip to the zoo was one of the best.

Piper wants to use a more specific word than went in sentence 20. Which word BEST replaces this word? 

• got

• took

• moved

• slid

Tags

CCSS.L.1.1E

CCSS.L.3.1A

CCSS.L.K.1B

Summarizing Ideas

 

Jaheem and his classmates were asked by the teacher to write their opinions about a yearlong school year. Jaheem's opinion is that students should NOT have to go to school all year. He has to support his idea with specific reasons. Read Jaheem's opinion below. I do NOT think that kids should have to go to school all year! Summer is an important time for students and their families. Summer is also important for teachers. There are many other reasons that school should not last all year.

After reading Jaheem's introduction, which paragraph would NOT be a reasonable supporting reason for his opinion?

• One reason that I think year-round schooling is a bad idea is because it will cost a school division more money to keep schools open all year long. If schools are open in the summer, then school buildings will have to pay more money to keep the buildings cool enough for the students to be comfortable.

• One reason that I think year-round schooling is a bad idea is because kids need a break from school. Teachers ask students to think hard and work hard all year long. During the summer, a student's brain needs time to rest, so he or she can work hard again when school begins.

• One reason that I think year-round schooling is a bad idea is because kids can't learn when the temperature is hot. Brains do not work in high heat. The brains of students work best when it is fall, winter and spring.

• Sentence 11One reason that I think year-round schooling is a bad idea is because some families go on vacations together during the summer. Parents have to work during the school year, so when summer comes around, some parents take time off of work to go on vacations with their children.

Tags

CCSS.RI.4.8

CCSS.RI.5.8

CCSS.RI.6.1

CCSS.RI.6.8

CCSS.RL.4.5

Revising Narratives

 

Bailey is writing about her experience at summer camp. This is her first paragraph before making revisions.

¹I went to summer camp for the first time this year. ²Camp Arden has a beautiful campground with lots of buildings and things to see. ³We participated in many fun activities, both indoor and outdoor. ⁴Indoor activities included art projects and movie nights. ⁵We did art projects on Wednesdays and rainy days. ⁶Friendship bracelets, scrapbooks, and stained glass paintings are some examples of projects we did at Camp Arden. ⁷We spent most of our time involved in outdoor activities. ⁸Swimming games, like tag and relays, were my favorite. ⁹Scavenger games, which involved finding objects with clues, was another type of outdoor activity.

Bailey decides she needs to make revisions after sentence 2. Which statement BEST describes the revisions she should make?

• She should explain how to make the stained glass paintings she learned to make while at camp.

• She should provide a detailed description of how to get to the campground from her house.

• She should give details about buildings and other things that can be seen around the campground.

• She should list all the places she visited over the summer after she spent time at Camp Arden.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.3

CCSS.RL.2.3

CCSS.RL.3.3

CCSS.RL.4.3

CCSS.RL.5.3

Revising Narratives

 

Bailey is writing about her experience at summer camp. This is her first paragraph before making revisions.

¹I went to summer camp for the first time this year. ²Camp Arden has a beautiful campground with lots of buildings and things to see. ³We participated in many fun activities, both indoor and outdoor. ⁴Indoor activities included art projects and movie nights. ⁵We did art projects on Wednesdays and rainy days. ⁶Friendship bracelets, scrapbooks, and stained glass paintings are some examples of projects we did at Camp Arden. ⁷We spent most of our time involved in outdoor activities. ⁸Swimming games, like tag and relays, were my favorite. ⁹Scavenger games, which involved finding objects with clues, was another type of outdoor activity.

Based on the other details in her paragraph, which sentence would fit BEST after sentence 2?

• To get to the campground, we drove south on the interstate and then followed the camp signs.

• Beautiful walking trails, picnic areas and shade trees can be found between the pool and lake.

• After my time at Camp Arden, I spent a week with my grandmother and learned how to bake.

• For my stained glass art project, I chose to paint a colorful rainbow that I could give to my sister.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.3

CCSS.RL.2.3

CCSS.RL.3.3

CCSS.RL.4.3

CCSS.RL.5.3

Building on Ideas

 

Many towns and cities across our country have parks. Some of the busiest, most crowded cities in the United States have beautiful parks. These parks are filled with grass, trees, and other plants. They have paths for walking and biking. Some parks have big ponds filled with wild geese and ducks. Many have playgrounds where children can seesaw, swing, and slide. Parks are good for people’s health and for nature, and they can help bring together the people of a town.

What addition would build on the idea that parks are good for bringing a community together?

• Parks are places that gangs and criminals can hang out at night.

• Parks can be built large enough so people have private space away from others.

• Instead of a park, the community would be better off building a new shopping mall.

• Communities often use parks as places to hold festivals for children and farmer's markets.

Tags

CCSS.RI.3.2

CCSS.RI.4.2

CCSS.RL.3.1

CCSS.RL.3.2

CCSS.RL.4.1

Building on Ideas

 

Many towns and cities across our country have parks. Some of the busiest, most crowded cities in the United States have beautiful parks. These parks are filled with grass, trees, and other plants. They have paths for walking and biking. Some parks have big ponds filled with wild geese and ducks. Many have playgrounds where children can seesaw, swing, and slide. Parks are good for people’s health and for nature, and they can help bring together the people of a town.

What would be the BEST conclusion for the passage?

• The people of Jamesville should leave any open space alone. The community has school playgrounds and a forest people can use if they want to camp.

• The people of Jamesville should work together to build a park that everyone can enjoy. Building a park here in Jamesville would make our town a better place to live.

• The people of Jamesville need to build more schools. If the town insists on building a new park, it should be for only the rich part of town.

• The people of Jamesville should work together to build a shopping mall. Building a new mall would provide more places for people to shop.