Revising | Sentence Clarity

Frank wants to improve the clarity of sentence 4.

How should sentence 4 be revised?

(4) In the stores, we will be able to find, soon, fresh fruits because it is spring.

• We will be able to find fresh fruits soon, because it is spring in the stores.

• Soon, we will be able to find fresh fruits in the stores because it is spring.

• In the stores there is fresh fruit because it is spring, and we will be able to find fresh fruit there.

• Soon, we will be able to find fresh fruits in the stores, and it is spring.

Gabriela wants to improve the clarity of sentence 10.

How should sentence 10 be revised?

(10) Often a symbol for new life as the snow melts from the ground, flowers begin to grow, and tree buds open up with new leaves, spring is seen.

• Often, a symbol for new life is spring, which is when the snow is melting from the ground and the flowers are beginning to grow and the tree buds are opening up with new leaves.

• As a symbol for new life, spring is often seen as the snow melting from the ground with flowers beginning to grow and tree buds opening up with new leaves.

• Spring is often seen as a symbol for new life, as the snow melts from the ground, and flowers begin to grow, and tree buds open up with new leaves.

• Spring is often seen as a symbol for new life as the snow melts from the ground, flowers begin to grow, and tree buds open up with new leaves.

Sentence 6 is unclear. How should it be revised?

(6) Having the Earth's axis starting to tilt toward the sun, the days, because the sun sets later in the day, in the Northern Hemisphere begin to get longer.

• The Earth's axis starts to tilt toward the sun, as the sun sets later in the day, the days in the Northern Hemisphere get longer.

• The Earth's axis, having tilted toward the sun, sets the sun later in the day in the Northern Hemisphere and this causes the days in the Northern Hemisphere to begin to get longer.

• Because the Earth's axis starts to tilt toward the sun, the days in the Northern Hemisphere begin to get longer as the sun sets later in the day.

• The Earth's axis starts to tilt toward the sun because the sun sets later in the day and the Northern Hemisphere days get longer also.

Sentence 12 is unclear. How should it be revised?

(12) The word spring, which comes from springing time, was shortened, and was popular in the 16th century.

• The word spring was shortened from springing time and it became popular in the 16th century.

• Having been shortened in the 16th century, the word spring became more popular than springing time.

• In the 16th century, the word spring became popular when it was shortened from springing time.

• Springing time was shortened in the 16th century to spring and that became more popular.

Diego wants to improve the clarity of sentence 22.

How should sentence 22 be revised?

(22) Spring brings many animals that become active, and they are looking for food or a mate at the end of hibernation.

• Spring brings the end of hibernation, and many animals become active and look for food or a mate.

• Many animals become active in spring, at the end of hibernation, they look for food or a mate.

• At the end of hibernation spring brings active animals that are looking for food or a mate.

• At the end of hibernation, food and mates are being looked for by many active spring animals.

Sentence 9 needs to be revised. In the space provided, rewrite sentence 9 in a clear and effective way.

(9) Nowruz, based in Zoroastrianism, is the Persian New Year in countries like Iran and Northern Iraq, marked by the first day of spring.

Sentence 3 needs to be revised. In the space provided, rewrite sentence 3 in a clear and effective way.

(3) Additionally, the New Year is celebrated by the Chinese on the first day of the first lunar month in January or February.