REVISION: The Benefits of Learning to Play a Musical Instrument

Which sentence should replace sentence 2 to provide a more effective claim for this paper?

• Regardless of the reason, musical instruments are a meaningful addition to a person’s skill set.

• Throughout history, musical instruments have been enjoyed by young and old alike.

• Clearly, there are many different types of musical instruments, and all are beneficial and valuable.

• However, learning to play a musical instrument can benefit a person’s life in a host of other ways.

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E1.W.9.Bi

Sentence 7 needs to be revised. In the box provided, rewrite sentence 7 in a clear and effective way.

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E1.W.9.C

What is the most effective transition to add to the beginning of sentence 12?

• Furthermore

• Therefore

• However

• To illustrate

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E1.W.9.Bi

What revision, if any, is needed in sentence 16?

• The study, as reported in The Journal of Neuroscience, found that professional musicians have the most gray matter.

• The study found that professional musicians, as reported in The Journal of Neuroscience, have the most gray matter.

• The study was reported in The Journal of Neuroscience, it found that professional musicians have the most gray matter.

• No change is needed.

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E1.W.9.C

Which sentence could best follow and support sentence 24?

• Some instruments are simply too expensive for the average young person to purchase and learn how to play well.

• This is a great way for a student to achieve the memory and recall benefits of learning to master a musical instrument.

• For older individuals who don’t have that option, there are inexpensive models of many instruments designed especially for beginners.

• People who build into their lives the focused time that it takes to learn to play an instrument rarely regret the many hours spent on it.

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E1.W.9.Bii

The word sad is not the most effective word to use in sentence 26. Which word should replace sad in this sentence?

• afflicted

• mournful

• discouraged

• melancholy

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E1.W.9.C