Synchronous Moduel Effective Revision Techniques

What is the most effective way to revise sentence 25?

• The exercise was regular and the diet was strict, Dudley grew trim and sleek, and he was able to make the first cut.

• With regular exercise and a strict diet, Dudley grew trim and sleek; he was able to make the first cut.

• The regular exercise and strict diet that caused Dudley to grow trim and sleek was able to make the first cut.

• With regular exercise the diet was strict, so Dudley grew trim and sleek; he was able to make the first cut.

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 6 and 7?

• Maggie loved to visit with Captain Frank while he was a grizzled old sailor whose creaking joints had forced him to retire from a life at sea.

• Maggie loved to visit with Captain Frank, a grizzled old sailor whose creaking joints had forced him to retire from a life at sea.

• Maggie loved to visit with Captain Frank and a grizzled old sailor whose creaking joints had forced him to retire from a life at sea.

• Maggie loved to visit with Captain Frank, he was a grizzled old sailor whose creaking joints had forced him to retire from a life at sea.

What is the correct way to rewrite sentences 27 and 28?

• So in the best interest of my studies, my music, and my social life, I respectfully request that you let me have my own room.

• It’s in the best interest of my studies, my music, and my social life, therefore, I respectfully request that you let me have my own room.

• It’s in the best interest of my studies, my music, and my social life, so I respectfully request. That you let me have my own room.

• The sentences are written correctly in the passage.

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 26 and 27?

• A flex period would allow these students to get some homework done in school, this would relieve some of the pressure they feel in the after-school hours.

• A flex period would allow these students who get some homework done in school to relieve some of the pressure when they would feel it in the after-school hours.

• A flex period would allow these students to get some homework done in school or would relieve some of the pressure and feel of the after-school hours.

• A flex period would allow these students to get some homework done in school, which would relieve some of the pressure they feel in the after-school hours.

What is the correct way to write sentences 15 and 16?

• When he surfaces, he usually has a heavy bag, it is filled with hundreds of golf balls that have mistakenly landed in the pond.

• When he surfaces, he usually has a heavy bag filled with hundreds of golf balls. That have mistakenly landed in the pond.

• When he surfaces, he usually has a heavy bag filled with hundreds of golf balls they have mistakenly landed in the pond.

• When he surfaces, he usually has a heavy bag filled with hundreds of golf balls that have mistakenly landed in the pond.

What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 17?

• Searching the Internet, she found Dudley listed for sale

• She searched the Internet, she found Dudley listed for sale

• Searching the Internet was where she found Dudley listed for sale

• No revision is needed in sentence 17

What change, if any, should be made in sentence 22?

• Change the comma to a semicolon

• Change touch to touched

• Insert a comma after finger

• No change should be made in this sentence.

What is the most effective way to revise sentence 26?

• Donna Griffiths, who earned the Guinness World Record, had the longest sneezing fit in history when she was from Worcestershire, England.

• Donna Griffiths earned the Guinness World Record from Worcestershire, England, for the longest sneezing fit in history.

• Donna Griffiths was from Worcestershire, England, she earned the Guinness World Record for the longest sneezing fit in history.

• Donna Griffiths, from Worcestershire, England, earned the Guinness World Record for the longest sneezing fit in history.

Sentence 20 does not say what Nora intended it to say. How should she rewrite this sentence?

• With each blast from the air in the burner growing hotter, the balloon was allowed to fly higher and higher.

• With each blast from the burner, the air in the balloon grew hotter, allowing the balloon to fly higher and higher.

• With each blast from the burner, the balloon’s air grew hotter, this allowed the balloon to fly higher and higher.

• With each blast from the burner, the balloon grew hotter, allowing the balloon to fly higher and higher in the air.

What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 6?

• Her name, which means “little girl” in a native Australian language, was first given to her father’s favorite crocodile.

• Since her name was first given to her father’s favorite crocodile, it means “little girl” in a native Australian language.

• Her name was first given to her father’s favorite crocodile, it means “little girl” in a native Australian language.

• First given to her father’s favorite crocodile, in a native Australian language, her name means “little girl.”