Giving effective feedback

Which principle of effective feedback does this most violate?

This paper has a lot of issues. Firstly, you need to adjust your research question to be more relevant to your findings. Right now, it is quite disconnected from your actual findings. On top of that, you seem to have a lot of problems with your grammar and I noticed mistakes in almost every paragraph. You should focus on things like articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. I think you will need to spend a lot of time to improve this. Good luck!  

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2. Which principle of effective feedback does this most violate? 

4. This paper has some good ideas but overall, some of them are a bit unrelated to your research question. It’s not like they are bad, but I think they could be a bit more focused and better described. Also, you could add your own voice, especially in the second and third finding. 

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3. Which principle of effective feedback does this most violate? 

5. Your overall paper is good, in my opinion, except for one thing: your range of vocabulary is quite limited. There were a lot of times when you oversimplified things like “a lot of progress” / “many good stuffs have resulted from UN SDGs” / “the percentage of people hitting their head on the ground” / 27 uses of “nowadays”. It would be better if you expanded your vocabulary range and use more academic words.  

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Which principle of effective feedback does this most violate?

Thanks for writing a great first draft. I can tell you put in a lot of effort in this paper, and you did a great job. Your ideas are directly related to your research question (although finding #3b could focus more on the downsides of this proposed solution) and I could follow your paper with ease. For next time, perhaps you could focus on improving your handwriting. It is impressive that you wrote this first draft by hand, but maybe typing it on Word would be better. I couldn’t read all of your words.

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5. Which principle of effective feedback does this most violate?

7. Your research question is interesting and your solutions are detailed and feasible. However, your first two findings are wrong. The actual percentage of illiterate primary-school aged children in mountainous Vietnam is actually 2.4%, not 3.6%. Check your source as this is not accurate. Also, your APA in-text citations and reference list are not correct. Did you read the APA guide on Canvas? Please check again, and be careful with your information which is often wrong.

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6. Which principle of effective feedback does this most violate?

8. Overall, your paper is good, but you could add more of your own voice, especially talking about the future implications of climate change in findings #2 and #3. I think perhaps you could talk about some of the positive effects on Vietnam’s power industry instead of only focusing on the negative ones. I know the deadline for the final draft was yesterday, but I hope my feedback can help you. Thank you!

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