Revising Wordy Sentences and Making Them More Concise

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

He dropped out of school on account of the fact that it was necessary for him to help support his family.

• He dropped out of school because it was necessary for him to help support his family.

• He dropped out of school to help support his family.

• He dropped out of school on account of supporting his family.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a deliberate lie on purpose.

• It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a lie.

• It is very unusual to find someone who has never told a lie on purpose.

• It is very unusual to find someone who has never deliberately lied.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

Some people believe in capital punishment, while other people are against it; there are many opinions on this subject.

• Some people believe in capital punishment; others are against it.

• There are many opinions on the subject of capital punishment.

• Some people believe in capital punishment while others don't.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

Trouble is caused when people disobey rules that have been established for the safety of all.

• Trouble is caused when people disobey established rules for safety.

• People cause trouble when they disobey rules of safety for all.

• People cause trouble when they disobey safety rules.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

The cafeteria was very busy, and several students were yelling, and several were eating, and several were on their phones.

• The cafeteria was very busy, and loud, and students were eating, and on phones.

• The cafeteria was very busy and several students were yelling, eating, or on phones.

• The cafeteria was very busy. Students were either yelling, eating, or on their phones.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

I have a history test tomorrow, and I have a concert tomorrow, and I need to do the dishes tomorrow.

• Tomorrow, I have a history test and concert. I also need to do the dishes.

• I have a history test tomorrow, and a concert, and dishes.

• I have a history test tomorrow, a concert tomorrow, and dishes tomorrow.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

It is expected that the new schedule will be announced by the bus company within the next few days.

• The bus company will announce the new schedule in a few days.

• It is expected that the bus company will announce the new schedule in a few days.

• The bus company is expected to announce its new schedule within the next few days.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

Today, people live longer and are healthier and happier and prettier.

• Today, people live longer, are healthier and are happier and prettier.

• Today, people live longer and are healthier, happier, and prettier.

• Today, people live long, are healthy, are happy, and are pretty.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

In the not too distant future, college freshmen must all become aware of the fact that there is a need for them to make contact with an academic adviser concerning the matter of a major.

• In the not too distant future, college freshmen must all make contact with an academic adviser concerning the matter of a major.

• In the near future, college freshmen must become aware of the fact that they need to talk to an academic adviser about a major.

• In the near future, college freshmen must make contact with an academic adviser about a major.

Which is the best way to revise the sentence?

The subjects that are considered most important by students are those that have been shown to be useful to them after graduation.

• The subjects that are considered most important by students are those that are useful to them after graduation.

• The most important subjects to students are those useful to them after graduation.

• The subjects considered most important by students are the ones that are useful after graduation.