Revising Adding and Removing Sentences

(10) Life on the ranch was good, and Dudley turned out to be a sweet-natured and loyal horse. (11) He learned quickly and was great with kids. (12) Everyone loved him, but unfortunately, the good times didn’t last. (13) When the McGee family suffered financial losses, the ranch horses suffered, too. (14) Dudley got fat and lazy, but he never lost his lovable personality.
Sierra would like to add the following detail to the third paragraph (sentences 10–14).
There were no funds for quality food and no trainers to exercise the animals.
Where is the BEST place to insert this sentence?

• After sentence 11
• After sentence 12
• After sentence 13
• After sentence 14

(9) During a flex period, students would have some choice about how to spend their time. (10) It would be understood that flex time does not mean free time. (11) Students wouldn’t be allowed to catch up on sleep or just hang out with friends. (12) Instead, they would be expected to choose productive activities. (13) Some might want to attend a discussion group or practice an instrument. (14) Others could choose to work with a study group or catch up on homework. (15) The details of the program would take some planning, but I’m certain that the effort would be time well spent

Which sentence could BEST follow sentence 14 and support the ideas in this paragraph?

• There are so many days when I could use some extra time to finish up homework.

• The seventh-grade science teacher assigned a large packet for students to finish last week.

• Those needing extra help could work with volunteers or student tutors.

• If a student wanted a chance to talk on the phone or play games, this wouldn’t be the right time.

(1) I was ten years old. (2) At that time, my grandmother moved into my family’s house.

What is the best way to combine sentences 1 and 2?

• By ten years old, my grandmother moved into my family’s house.
• When I was ten years old, my grandmother moved into my family’s house.
• I was ten years old, my grandmother moved into my family’s house.
• I was ten years old at that time my grandmother moved into my family’s house.

(16) Some people picked food out of their teeth with their knives. (17) This was considered rude to do during a meal.

What is the BEST way to combine sentences 16 and 17?

• Some people picked food out of their teeth with their knives, considered rude to do during a meal.
• Although considered rude to do during a meal, some people picked food out of their teeth with their knives.
• Some people picked food out of their teeth with their knives, while this was considered rude to do during a meal.
• Some people picked food out of their teeth with their knives, because this was considered rude to do during a meal.

(11) The projects students chose were as diverse as the classes that selected them. (12) One class chose to implement a recycling program in the cafeteria. (13) A second class had the highest scores on the midyear science exam. (14) Another class painted a beautiful mural on one of the walls in the school’s entryway. (15) Our class took over the garden that had been planted near the front doors the previous year.

Ari has included an extraneous sentence in the third paragraph (sentences 11–15). Which sentence should be deleted from this paragraph?

• sentence 12

• sentence 13

• sentence 14

• sentence 15

(16) This would be really good at our school. (17) Research shows that students who volunteer their time and talents feel better about themselves and make better grades in school. (18) Furthermore, the work performed by students saves the school district money because students provide the labor and local businesses often donate the materials. (19) Finally, students feel more connected to a campus that they have helped clean, beautify, and organize.

Which of the following can replace sentence 16 and serve as a more effective topic sentence for the fourth paragraph (sentences 16–19)?

• A citizenship program at our school would offer many benefits.

• This would be really cool at our school, too.

• Everyone knows that kids who volunteer feel better about themselves.

• Students can be involved in a variety of projects with their classmates.

(11) One night Maggie woke from a sound sleep to hear the unmistakable crash of an angry sea. (12) She knew that a big storm was brewing. (13) It hadn’t rained for weeks. (14) Maggie glanced out her window so that she might feel comforted by the steady glow of the lighthouse lamp. (15) But on this night no friendly light shone through the darkness. (16) The lamp had gone out! (17) Where was Captain Frank? (18) In this storm, how would the sailors know where to go to avoid the sharp rocks on the shoreline?

Deena has included an extraneous sentence in the fourth paragraph (sentences 11–18). Which sentence should Deena delete from this paragraph?

• Sentence 12

• Sentence 13

• Sentence 15

• Sentence 16

(1) Birds, mammals, and many other animals require sleep. (2) But when an animal is asleep, it’s more vulnerable to predators. (3) As a result, they have systems. (4) Their sleep habits make our typical “climb in bed and pull up the covers” behavior seem boring by comparison.

Derek would like to replace sentence 3 with a sentence that better states the controlling idea of his paper. Which of these would be the BEST replacement for sentence 3?

• As a result, that means other animals can hurt them.

• As a result, many animals have to figure out a new way to fall asleep.

• As a result, many animals have sleep patterns that help keep them safe.

• As a result, animals don’t climb in bed and pull up the covers like humans do.

(26) What is certain, though, is that animals that do sleep have found some clever ways to do so and unique.

What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 26?

• What is certain, though, is that animals that do sleep have found some clever ways to do so, they are also unique.

• What is certain, though, is that animals have found some clever ways to sleep that are unique ways, too.

• What is certain, though, is that animals that do sleep have found some clever and unique ways to do so.

• No revision is needed in this sentence.