Which sentences can replace sentences 4 and 5 to create a more effective controlling idea for this paper?

• However, one swimmer, Lynne Cox, has gone farther than almost anyone else. She became famous for swimming in the coldest waters on Earth.

• But Lynne Cox was a swimmer who wanted to prove herself. She trained daily and dreamed of swimming across the world's coldest oceans.

• As a result, Lynne Cox became the first person to swim in both the Arctic and Antarctic, breaking records for endurance and courage.

• Yet Lynne Cox completed an incredible swim with the help of her team and later received worldwide recognition.

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Analysis

Lynne wants to add this sentence to the second paragraph (sentences 6-10): Finally, on December 13, 2002, weather conditions improved, and she entered the Antarctic water at 2:30 p.m. Where is the best place to insert this sentence?

• After sentence 6

• After sentence 7

• After sentence 8

• After sentence 9

Sentence 13 contains an indefinite reference that affects the clarity of the sentence. What is the best way to revise sentence 13?

• Change They to The crew

• Change her to the swimmer

• Change every few minutes to each hour

• Change warm to hot

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Evaluation

Which sentence in the fourth paragraph (sentences 16-19) contains unnecessary information and should be removed?

• Sentence 16

• Sentence 17

• Sentence 18

• Sentence 19

Lynne would like to replace sentence 19 with a more appropriate and relevant quotation. Which of the following can replace sentence 19 to help emphasize a main point of this paper and bring the paper to a more effective conclusion?

• "This swim wasn't about breaking a record," Cox said. "It was about seeing what humans can do when they refuse to quit."

• "I had dreamed of swimming with penguins since childhood," Cox said. "Now that dream had come true."

• "The Antarctic is a place of silence," Cox said. "It feels like swimming in another world."

• "It was frightening at first," Cox said, "but I knew my support boat wouldn't let me drown."

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Synthesis

What change, if any, should be made in sentence 10?

• Change scientists to scientist's

• Change how she did it to how did she do it

• Change study to studies

• No change is needed.

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Evaluation

What change needs to be made in sentence 11?

• Insert a comma after Before each swim

• Change greased to greasing

• Change stay to staying

• Insert and before a swim cap

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Evaluation

What change needs to be made in sentence 14?

• No change needed

• Change pushed to pushes

• Insert a semicolon after uncontrollably

• Change waves to wave's

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Evaluation

What change, if any, should be made in sentence 17?

• Change temperature had dropped to temperature drops

• Delete had

• Insert suddenly before dropped

• No change is needed.

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Evaluation

1.
Sentence 2 needs to be revised. In the space provided, rewrite sentence 2 in a clear and effective way.

 (2) In fact, more than 1,500 swimmers from around the world have completed at least one “ice mile,” swimming a full mile in water colder than 41 degrees Fahrenheit.

• Over 1,500 swimmers worldwide have successfully completed an 'ice mile,' which involves swimming a full mile in water temperatures below 41 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Only 1,500 swimmers from the U.S. have finished an 'ice mile' in cold water.
• More than 1,500 swimmers have completed an 'ice mile' in temperatures above 41 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Over 1,500 swimmers have swum a mile in water warmer than 41 degrees Fahrenheit.