Revising and Editing Crossing the Frozen Mile

Which sentences can replace sentences 4 and 5 to create a more effective controlling idea for this paper?

• However, one swimmer, Lynne Cox, has gone farther than almost anyone else. She became famous for swimming in the coldest waters on Earth.

• But Lynne Cox was a swimmer who wanted to prove herself. She trained daily and dreamed of swimming across the world's coldest oceans.

• As a result, Lynne Cox became the first person to swim in both the Arctic and Antarctic, breaking records for endurance and courage.

• Yet Lynne Cox completed an incredible swim with the help of her team and later received worldwide recognition.

Tags

Analysis

Lynne wants to add this sentence to the second paragraph (sentences 6-10): Finally, on December 13, 2002, weather conditions improved, and she entered the Antarctic water at 2:30 p.m. Where is the best place to insert this sentence?

• After sentence 6

• After sentence 7

• After sentence 8

• After sentence 9

Sentence 13 contains an indefinite reference that affects the clarity of the sentence. What is the best way to revise sentence 13?

• Change They to The crew

• Change her to the swimmer

• Change every few minutes to each hour

• Change warm to hot

Tags

Evaluation

Which sentence in the fourth paragraph (sentences 16-19) contains unnecessary information and should be removed?

• Sentence 16

• Sentence 17

• Sentence 18

• Sentence 19

Lynne would like to replace sentence 19 with a more appropriate and relevant quotation. Which of the following can replace sentence 19 to help emphasize a main point of this paper and bring the paper to a more effective conclusion?

• "This swim wasn't about breaking a record," Cox said. "It was about seeing what humans can do when they refuse to quit."

• "I had dreamed of swimming with penguins since childhood," Cox said. "Now that dream had come true."

• "The Antarctic is a place of silence," Cox said. "It feels like swimming in another world."

• "It was frightening at first," Cox said, "but I knew my support boat wouldn't let me drown."

Tags

Synthesis

What change, if any, should be made in sentence 10?

• Change scientists to scientist's

• Change how she did it to how did she do it

• Change study to studies

• No change is needed.

Tags

Evaluation

What change needs to be made in sentence 11?

• Insert a comma after Before each swim

• Change greased to greasing

• Change stay to staying

• Insert and before a swim cap

Tags

Evaluation

What change needs to be made in sentence 14?

• No change needed

• Change pushed to pushes

• Insert a semicolon after uncontrollably

• Change waves to wave's

Tags

Evaluation

What change, if any, should be made in sentence 17?

• Change temperature had dropped to temperature drops

• Delete had

• Insert suddenly before dropped

• No change is needed.

Tags

Evaluation

1.
Sentence 2 needs to be revised. In the space provided, rewrite sentence 2 in a clear and effective way.

 (2) In fact, more than 1,500 swimmers from around the world have completed at least one “ice mile,” swimming a full mile in water colder than 41 degrees Fahrenheit.

• Over 1,500 swimmers worldwide have successfully completed an 'ice mile,' which involves swimming a full mile in water temperatures below 41 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Only 1,500 swimmers from the U.S. have finished an 'ice mile' in cold water.
• More than 1,500 swimmers have completed an 'ice mile' in temperatures above 41 degrees Fahrenheit.
• Over 1,500 swimmers have swum a mile in water warmer than 41 degrees Fahrenheit.