1. After our Regional Sales Manager visited us last time, three of our fork lifts broke down and two of our best workers became ill for a week. Please don’t invite the manager to our place again. We can’t stand another series of problems.

In order to qualify for law school, a person must have a test score of at least 700 on the Law School Achievement Test. Helen scored 690. For this reason, Helen was not admitted to law school.

My car stalled on the street the other day. Before I got going again, five cars passed by. Two were driven by adult males who swore at me. Another was driven by a woman who shouted, “You stupid idiot, why don’t you learn how to drive?” The other two cars, driven by high school students, stopped and their young drivers offered assistance. This shows me that, contrary to all the talk you hear, students are a lot more decent than their parents.

1. After watching the Indians play five exhibition games, Hal said, “They’re going to win the pennant this year.”

1. The most rational way of considering the human race today is to see it as the crew of a spaceship on which all of us, with a remarkable combination of security and vulnerability, are making our pilgrimage through infinity. And just as some pilgrims get to Mecca and some do not, so some of the race will get to the cosmic goal and some will not.

1. A historian was a critic of the church. He argued that the church is the enemy of humanitarianism. “Consider the bloody crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, and the witch trials,” he said.

1. Tulane is playing Ole Miss this week. Ole Miss will be tough because they’re in the Southeastern Conference which everyone agrees is the strongest conference in the country.

The teaching of evolution is being attacked all across the nation. Consider: The Cobb County School District in Georgia required that textbooks state that evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. The Oklahoma state legislature passed a similar law for that state. The Dover PA school board voted to include intelligent design in the district’s science curriculum as an alternative to evolution.

1. Did you know that President Hernandez has almost abolished crime in Urokay; President Mogambi has raised the Belibeeni national income 500%; Premier Pinski of Fingeria has cut his nation’s unemployment to 1/2 of 1%. We ought to import all three to the U.S. They would form a fantastic cabinet and solve our national problems.

1. Last year the Advertising Association of America conducted a year-long advertising campaign in newspapers and magazines calling for forest fire prevention. The results are pretty satisfying, for this year the damage done by forest fires has been cut by 10% over last year.

1. I want my new home to be a real showcase of the very best in architectural harmony and elegance. Consequently, I have instructed my architect to design it using the best features of Dutch Colonial, Georgia, and Ranch styles.

1. From a television commercial: “Man’s only natural defense is his intelligence, and intelligent people drive Valvos.”

1. After the United States sent troops to Vietnam, the drug problem in this country increased considerably. This is just another effect of that evil war.

1. When Isaac was writing programs for our company, our customer relations were the worst that we have ever had. We had negative reports from the field all the time. Now that Isaac is gone, our customers seem to like our sales force and our products a lot more. I’m glad Isaac left.

1. The movie Blockbuster earned over $100 million. You could not even get a ticket for the first two weekends. We have got to buy the cool Cadillac convertible shown in the opening scenes.

1. Danny plays for the Rock Eagle football team, the new state champions. So he must be a star.