When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!

(a)  

Even if we're horribly mangled, there'll be no sad faces on Christmas

(a)  

Thanks, but I'm seeing somebody in wrapping

(a)  

It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes. I always wait until January

(a)  

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all the hear

(a)  

No child wants to play with a Charlie in a box

(a)  

You'll shoot your eye out!

(a)  

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

(a)  

I’m Mr. White Christmas, I’m Mr. Snow, I’m Mr. Icicle, I’m Mr. 10 Below

(a)  

Christmas isn't just a day; it's a frame of mind

(a)  

There's children throwing snowballs instead of throwing heads

(a)  

I hate red thermometers. When the thermometer gets all reddish, the temperature goes up.

(a)  

I'm Santa Claus, not Yoda

(a)  

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight! And when I wake up, I’m getting a CAT scan!

(a)  

You sit on a throne of lies

(a)  

Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see

(a)  

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal

(a)  

Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more

(a)  

This is so tinsel!

(a)