Essay Writing - Better Descriptions

Front

Description suitable for an essay:

Back

I stood under the blazing sun, wiped sweat from my brow. It was unbearably hot and still. No one would guess a massive hurricane was on its way.

Front

Better description of an ESSAY:

Back

I trembled as I saw the silhouette of a man walk past my room. Fear made my heart palpitate wildly. Slowly I opened my closet door and eased myself inside. I had to hide before he discovered that the house was not as empty as he believed.

Front

Description of an exciting essay: My whole body shook with anger. "You're not being fair," I cried. My mum's face twisted in rage, "I said go to your room."

Back

My whole body shook with anger. "You're not being fair." I cried out. My mum's face twisted in rage, "I said go to your room."

Front

More exciting description: I rubbed my palms against my school skirt, trying to get rid of the sweat. I took a deep breath and glanced around the massive auditorium. It was my first day at a new school, and I was too nervous to be excited.

Back

I rubbed my palms against my school skirt trying to get rid of the sweat that had gathered in my hands. I took a deep breath and glanced around the massive auditorium. Today was my first day at a new school and I was too nervous to be excited about it.

Front

Choose the more vivid description:

Back

The auditorium was built next to the cafeteria; the principal's boring speech faded as I focused on the delicious smell of hot aloo pie.

Front

Better for a REPORT: After all the speeches, they divided the children into 6 groups, 1.1 to 1.6. I was in 1.5.

Back

After all the speeches, they divided all the children into 6 groups so, 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, 1.5, 1.6. I was in 1.5.

Front

Better for a report: We boarded flight FB456 and sat in seat 13.

Back

We boarded flight FB456 and sat in seat 13.