Communication Climates and Assertive Message Format

Communication Climates and Assertive Message Format

Disconfirming messages: Messages that do not show care or respect for the other person. 

• Responses that ignore the speaker (impervious)

• Interrupting

• Unrelated responses (irrelevant)

• Changing the topic (tangential)

• Impersonal responses

• Unclear (ambiguous) responses

• Contradictory (incongruous) responses

Disagreeing messages: messages that tell the other person "you're wrong"

• Aggressive 

• Complaining

• Argumentative

Confirming messages:

• Recognition (listening)

• Acknowledgment (show value)

• Endorsement (show agreement)

Multiple Choice

Is the message confirming, disconfirming, or disagreeing?

Situation: You're busy with school and haven't had time to clean.

Statement: "You're so lazy and disgusting."

• Disconfirming: incongruous

• Disconfirming: irrelevant

• Disagreeing: aggressiveness

• Confirming: recognition

Multiple Choice

Is the message confirming, disconfirming, or disagreeing?

Situation: Your boss hasn't been answering your emails.

Response: I'm sorry that you feel neglected by your boss.

• Disconfirming: impersonal

• Disagreeing: complaining

• Confirming: endorsement

• Confirming: acknowledgement

Multiple Choice

Is the message confirming, disconfirming, or disagreeing?

Situation: You get a new shirt. You're not sure if you like it.

Response: That colour looks great on you!

• Disconfirming: tangential

• Confirming: recognition

• Confirming: acknowledgement

• Confirming: endorsement

Multiple Choice

Is the message confirming, disconfirming, or disagreeing?

Situation: You ask a coworker to attend a presentation you're giving.

Response: Sure, I'll think about going to your presentation. Can you review this care for me and tell me what you think?

• Disconfirming: tangential

• Disconfirming: ambiguous

• Disagreeing: complaining

• Confirming: recognition

Multiple Choice

Is the message confirming, disconfirming, or disagreeing?

Situation: Your bus was late and you're a few minutes late for work.

Response: You're always coming to our meetings late!!

• Disconfirming: impervious

• Disconfirming: incongruous

• Disagreeing: aggressive

• Disagreeing: complaining

Multiple Choice

Is the message confirming, disconfirming, or disagreeing?

Situation: You need to take 1 month off work to help a sick parent. You're nervous to tell your boss and think you might get fired.

Response: So, if I understand correctly, you're worried that your boss won't be receptive to the fact that you need time off?

• Disconfirming: impersonal

• Disagreeing: complaining

• Confirming: acknowledgement

• Confirming: endorsement

Defensive Responses

• Attacking (fighting the critic)

• Distorting the negative information (dodge, manipulate)

• Avoiding the critical information (flee

Multiple Choice

Which defensive response is being used in the example situation below?

Situation: A child doesn't get his way when playing with his friends, so he acts like he doesn't enjoy the game and didn't want to play anyway.

• Attacking: verbal aggression

• Distorting: rationalization

• Avoiding: physical

• Avoiding: apathy

Multiple Choice

Which defensive response is being used in the example situation below?

Situation: You have a bad day at work. Customers yell at you and call you stupid. When you get home, you have a short temper with your kids and spouse.

• Attacking: verbal aggression

• Distorting: compensation

• Avoiding: reperession

• Avoiding: displacement

Multiple Choice

Which defensive response is being used in the example situation below?

Situation: A customer complains about you to the manager. You say the customer was a "f***ing idiot"

• Attacking: verbal aggression

• Distorting: rationalizing

• Distorting: regression

• Avoiding: displacement

Multiple Choice

Which defensive response is being used in the example situation below?

Situation: Your coworker says something insensitive. You say nothing, tell yourself to let it go, and try to forget about the comment.

• Attacking: verbal aggression

• Distorting: regression

• Avoiding: repression

• Avoiding: apathy

Multiple Choice

Which defensive response is being used in the example situation below?

Situation: You do poorly on a performance review at work. You tell yourself, "well I'm a good mom and that's more important."

• Attacking: verbal aggression

• Distorting: compensation

• Distorting: regression

• Avoiding: displacement

Multiple Choice

Which defensive response is being used in the example situation below?

Situation: Your spouse gets angry with you. You walk out of the house and go for a walk for an hour.

• Attacking: physical aggression

• Distorting: regression

• Avoiding: physical

• Avoiding: apathy

The assertive message format

• 1. Description of a behaviour/situation

• 2. Your interpretation of the behaviour/situation

• 3. Your feeling about the behaviour/situation

• 4. The consequence of the behaviour/situation

• 5. Your intentions

Example Assertive Message

• "When I didn’t hear from you last night (behaviour), I thought you were mad at me (interpretation). I’ve been thinking about it ever since (consequence), and I’m still worried (feeling). I’d like to know if you’re angry (intention)." 

• (LOOK, 3rd. Edition, pg. 251) 

  
  

Multiple Choice

Which element of the assertive message format is being used in the example statement below:

"I request that you inform me when you're going to be absent from work"

• Behavioural description

• Interpretation

• Feeling

• Consequence

• Intention

Multiple Choice

Which element of the assertive message format is being used in the example statement below:

"I think you over-reacted to Tony's comment"

• Behavioural description

• Interpretation

• Feeling

• Consequence

• Intention

Multiple Choice

Which element of the assertive message format is being used in the example statement below:

"I noticed that you haven't done your part of the group project."

• Behavioural description

• Interpretation

• Feeling

• Consequence

• Intention

Multiple Choice

Which element of the assertive message format is being used in the example statement below:

"Because you were late, we won't have enough time to finish this task"

• Behavioural description

• Interpretation

• Feeling

• Consequence

• Intention

Multiple Choice

Which element of the assertive message format is being used in the example statement below:

"I'm pretty let down that that I couldn't count on you."

• Behavioural description

• Interpretation

• Feeling

• Consequence

• Intention

Multiple Choice

Which element of the assertive message format is being used in the example statement below:

"I feel like leaving right now."

• Behavioural description

• Interpretation

• Feeling

• Consequence

• Intention