Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution

What to do when we don't agree...

What is a Conflict?

• A conflict happens when two people do not agree.

• A conflict can build up into a fight, or it can be resolved.

• A conflict is resolved when both people feel okay with how things turned out.

• Most conflicts can be resolved when both people use strategies, instead of getting an authority.

Multiple Choice

In every conflict, ___.

• A fight breaks out and someone gets hurt

• Two people have a different opinion

Multiple Choice

When a conflict is resolved, ___.

• Someone wins and someone loses

• Both people get exactly what they want

• Both people give up a little bit, but feel okay about how things turned out

Conflict Resolution Strategies

• First, take space and get calm.

• Second, share your feelings.

• Third, solve the problem.

Ms. Bennes and

Dr. Irwin's Conflict

• Ms. Bennes is very organized and likes her desk clean and neat.

• Dr. Irwin likes to have everything within their reach, so their desk is messy, with files everywhere.

• One year, Ms. Bennes and Dr. Irwin shared one desk space.

• They had a conflict over how clean to keep the space.

Open Ended

"Ms. Bennes and Dr. Irwin had a conflict because ____."

What Didn't Work

• Arguing and name calling. - "Dr. Irwin, you're so selfish. You make our desk such a mess!"

• Gossip - "Have you heard how obsessed Ms. Bennes is with our desk? She gets on my nerves!"

• Crossing boundaries. - When Dr. Irwin was out, Ms. Bennes touched their stuff without asking.

• Telling an authority. - Dr. Irwin complained to Ms. Franchi about the desk and asked for her help.

Multiple Choice

When Dr. Irwin gossiped about Ms. Bennes with other teachers,

Ms. Bennes probably felt ___.

• Annoyed and sad

• More willing to let Dr. Irwin have their way

• Happy to be a topic of conversation

Multiple Choice

When Ms. Bennes organized Dr. Irwin's things, Dr. Irwin probably felt ___.

• Relieved not to have to clean up themselves

• Confused because now they didn't know where everything was

• Grateful to Ms. Bennes for her help

Multiple Choice

When Ms. Bennes and Dr. Irwin asked Ms. Franchi to solve the problem,

Ms. Franchi probably felt ___.

• Happy to help solve the issue

• Proud that the teachers trusted her to give advice

• Annoyed that the teachers couldn't solve this themselves

What Worked Better

• 1) Taking Space - Ms. Bennes and Dr. Irwin waited for a time when they both felt calm and relaxed.

• 2) Sharing feelings. - Ms. Bennes said, "I feel overwhelmed by all the stuff on our desk. I can't find what I need." Dr. Irwin said, "I feel like I can't trust you when you touch my things without asking."

• 3) Solving the problem. - a) Compromise - They drew a line across the desk and each person kept their own side how they liked it. b) Agree - Ms. Bennes agreed not to touch Dr. Irwin's stuff. Dr. Irwin agreed to organize their stuff every Friday afternoon. c) Separate - Ms. Bennes and Dr. Irwin had different desks the next year.

Open Ended

"One strategy Dr. Irwin and Ms. Bennes could use to calm down is ___."

Multiple Choice

Sharing Feelings

Which example will make Ms. Bennes feel more willing to find a compromise?

• "I feel stressed when you touch my things because then I can't find what I need."

• "You are selfish when you touch my things because all you think about it how nice the desk looks."

Multiple Choice

Sharing Feelings

Which example will make Dr. Irwin feel more willing to find a compromise?

• "You make messes because you don't care about our work and that makes us look bad."

• "I feel frustrated when I am searching for my lesson and it is covered with your data sheets."

Multiple Choice

Solving the Problem

Which compromise is fair?

• Dr. Irwin and Ms. Bennes need to organize their desks in exactly the same way

• Dr. Irwin and Ms. Bennes need to each keep their stuff on their own side of the desk

Multiple Choice

Examples of ways to solve the problem are:

• a) Compromise

  b) Agree

  c) Separate

• a) Tattle

  b) Fight

  c) Cry

Sam and Kim's Conflict

• Kim is playing Uno with a friend.

• Sam comes over and asks to play. When Kim says no, Sam starts to give advice on how to play better.

• Sam and Kim have a conflict over how to play the game.

Multiple Choice

Sam and Kim should try to solve the conflict...

• When they are both really mad

• After they have taken some space to cool down

Multiple Choice

Telling an adult about the argument...

• Would be annoying and tattling

• Would be helpful so the adult can come up with a solution that works for everyone

Open Ended

Sharing Feelings.

Kim might say, When you give me advice on how to play,

"I feel ____ because ____."

Open Ended

Sharing Feelings.

Sam might say, When you won't let me join the game,

"I feel ____ because ____."

Multiple Choice

Which compromise is fair?

• Everyone has to be able to play every game.

• Sam and Kim can both play Uno, but against different people.

• Since no one can agree, nobody can play.

Multiple Choice

Agree.

Kim doesn't want to play against or with Sam.

Kim can agree, ____.

• I will let Sam know when my game ends, so he can play with someone else.

• I will play with Sam even when I don't want to.

Multiple Choice

Agree.

Sam wants to be involved in the Uno.

Sam can agree, "___"

• When Kim is playing, I will find something else to do and not give advice.

• I will stand on the other side of the table and give advice to players that aren't Kim.

Multiple Choice

Separate.

When Kim is playing, Sam should ___.

• Hover nearby until it is time to play

• Do something else fun and come over after the game is over

Multiple Choice

Separate.

When Sam is playing, Kim should ___.

• Try to get the other player to ditch Sam's game and play something else

• Do something fun alone, and let the other students play

Bob and Sally's Conflict

• Bob enjoys humming along with his favorite Youtube videos.

• Sally gets distracted when there is extra noise and she can't focus.

• Bob and Sally have a conflict when they both have Strategies in the same classroom.

Open Ended

"One strategy that won't resolve the conflict is ___ because ____."

Resolving the Conflict

• 1) Taking Space. - During lunch, Bob stayed apart from Sally and chatted with his friends. He kept his focus on things he liked.

• 2) Sharing Feelings. During a break, Sally asked Bob to chat. Sally said, "I feel distracted and annoyed when you hum." Bob said, "I feel hurt when you keep shushing me."

• 3) Solving the problem. a) Compromise - Sally can hum along when they're both watching a video together, but needs to hum in her head when they're doing different things. b) Agree - Bob won't draw extra attention to Sally by shushing her. Sally will listen the first time Bob asks her to stop humming. c) Separate - Twice per cycle, Bob will trade-in in a different room so they each can do what they like.

Multiple Choice

The steps to resolve the conflict are:

• 1) Yell until you run out of energy.

  2) Make the other person feel bad.

  3) Prove you were right the whole time.

• 1) Take space and calm down.

  2) Share your feelings.

  3) Solve the problem.

Open Ended

"Next time I have a conflict, I will 1)___, 2) ___, 3) ___."