Resolving Conflict

Resolving Conflict

By Manuel Osornio

​Everyone experiences conflict from time to time. You might disagree with a family member, a friend, or a classmate. People have different styles of communicating when they experience conflict. Knowing the causes of disagreements and the different styles people use when they disagree can help you resolve conflict in responsible ways.

Open Ended

List three causes of conflict.

​Causes of Conflict

​A conflict is a strong disagreement.. Conflicts have many possible causes. Among siblings or friends, the following situations might cause conflict:

1. ​Disrespect for someone's private property.

2. ​Feelings of jealousy.

3. ​Differing values.

4. ​Prejudice.

​Disrespect for someone's private property

Example:​

Your sister takes the book that you just bought. You feel angry because she didn't ask for permission.

​

When you want to borrow something that belongs to someone else, always ask first. Treat the item with care and respect. Replace or pay for it if you damage it.

​Feelings of jealousy

​You might experience jealousy for many reasons. You might resent your friend for spending too much time with others, or you might envy someone else's grades or looks. You might feel jealous when a friend makes the starting lineup while you sit on the bench. It is important to examine what triggers jealous feelings and make changes. If you feel you are lacking in a quality or skill, try to develop it rather than feeling poorly about yourself.

​Differing values

Example:​

You are spending a Saturday afternoon with a group of friends. They decide to sneak into a movie. You declare that this is wrong, which begins a conflict.

​

Sometimes conflict occurs because your values differ from those of others. If you have different values than your peers, express them in a respectful, healthful way. Do not compromise your positive family values.

​Prejudice

Example:​

You're sitting at a table in the school cafeteria when a new student walks by. You invite her to join you for lunch. Some of your friends tell you they don't want her to join them. They say insulting things about her because she spends a lot of time studying and does not participate in social activities.

​

Prejudice means holding a negative opinion of or unfairly treating a group or a person based on feelings developed without reason. Feelings of prejudice cause some people to make fun of or threaten others. Avoid being influenced to show prejudice, and encourage your friends to reject prejudice as well.

Multiple Choice

is a strong disagreement.

• Prejudice

• Conflict

Multiple Choice

means holding a negative opinion of or unfairly treating a group or a person based on feelings developed without reason.

• Prejudice

• Conflict

Ways to Resolve Conflict

​When a conflict occurs, you can use certain skills to help resolve it. Conflict resolution skills are steps that can be taken to a disagreement in a responsible way. Resolving a conflict requires negotiation and compromise. To negotiate is to have a discussion in order to bring about an agreement. Negotiation involves talking about the disagreement and listening to other points of view.

Following are the steps involved in resolving conflict.​

1. Stay calm.

2. Talk about the conflict. Follow rules acceptable to the individuals or groups involved in the situation.

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​3. Discuss possible ways to settle the conflict.

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​4. Agree on a way to settle the conflict. You may need to ask a trusted adult for help.

​It is important to REMEMBER

​Always settle conflicts without violence. Stay calm and try not to make the conflict worse by raising your voice or making threats. You can prevent conflicts by avoiding arguments about minor issues. If you sense that anger is buildingup inside, however, express yourself with I-messages to avoid a sudden blowup. In many cases, saying "I'm sorry" is the best way to avoid conflict. Be strong enough to apologize if you think you may have offended someone. If a person apologizes to you, try to forgive the offense and end the dispute.

Harmful Conflict Styles​

​Conflict style is the way a person responds to conflict. You should learn how to spot people who use harmful conflict styles.

​These styles may include:

1. ​The button pusher

2. ​The time bomb

3. ​The sulker

​The button pusher

​This is a person who discovers one of your weaknesses and uses it to make you angry. You might be sensitive about not being good in sports. The button pusher will keep referring to that point in an effort to make you lose your temper. Don't fall into this trap.

​The time bomb

​Time bombs become angry without warning. Time bombs can harm you or other people. Avoid such a person when he or she starts to show anger. This person generally needs professional help to deal with angry feelings.

​The sulker

​When sulkers are hurt, they won't say anything. They expect you to figure out why they are upset. Sulkers use the silent treatment to punish others. Use an I-message to tell this person that you do not appreciate the silent treatment. Set limits, and emphasize that you will not accept this type of behavior.

Multiple Choice

___________ are steps that can be taken to a disagreement in a responsible way.

• Conflict resolution skills

• Gaming skills

• Speaking skills

Multiple Choice

________ is to have a discussion in order to bring about an agreement.

• Negotiate

• Compromise

Open Ended

What do you think is a mediator?

​Seeking Help to Resolve Conflicts

​Sometimes you can't resolve a conflict with another person. You might choose to have someone mediate it. To mediate is to help resolve conflicts. A mediator is a neutral party who listens to all sides and then offers a solution to a conflict. All the parties involved in the conflict should agree on a mediator. This expresses their commitment to finding a solution to the conflict. It also expresses their belief that the person will help them agree on a fair and responsible agreement without favoring any one party.

The mediator has no stake in the outcome. He or she does not take sides. All the parties must trust the mediator to help them find a responsible solution. Conflict mediators can be responsible adults, such as parents, guardians, teachers, or guidance counselors.

Poll

How many steps do you think we are going to discuss?

• 5

• 6

• 10

• 11

​Mediators use these steps to help resolve conflicts.

​1. The mediator brings together the parties who are in conflict. The mediator sets ground rules. For example, the parties must avoid angry outbursts and insulting comments.

​2. The mediator hears both (or all) sides of the conflict. The mediator begins by asking the parties to explain the conflict from their point of view. He or she also finds out what each side wants. As the mediator listens, he or she emphasizes the feelings both parties have in common.

​3. After the parties present all sides of a disagreement, the mediator may call for a break. This gives everyone a chance to take some time off from the confrontation.

​4. The mediator will then reassemble the parties and ask them to brainstorm solutions.

​5. The mediator will review each idea and try to find a responsible solution that is acceptable to everyone.

​6. After everyone agrees on a solution, the mediator will ask the parties to sign a written statement. The mediator will also set a date for the individuals or groups to meet again to determine how well the agreement worked. In order for mediation to be successful, both sides must follow the terms laid out in the solution.