Essay Revisions & Frequent Errors

Essay Revisions & Frequent Errors

By Amber Burke

Do not capitalize a word after a semicolon.

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Correct: ​Living in frosty temperatures is superior to warmer temperatures; however, some may dissent that warmer weather would lower death rates.

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incorrect: ​Living in frosty temperatures is superior to warmer temperatures; However, some may dissent that warmer weather would lower death rates.

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semicolons & capitalization

Multiple Choice

You should always capitalize the next word after a semicolon.

• True

• False

Multiple Choice

Unless it is a proper noun, the word following a semicolon should not be capitalized.

• True

• False

Multiple Choice

True or False: This sentence is grammatically correct.

Mrs. Burke is my favorite teacher; However, ELAR is my least favorite subject.

• True

• False

Multiple Choice

True or False: This sentence is grammatically correct.

Mrs. Burke is my favorite teacher; however, ELAR is my least favorite subject.

• True

• False

Thesis & Essay Organization

The thesis determines the order of

your essay! ​

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Thesis: Cookies are better than cake seeing as they're not being completely awful for one’s health and they are great for travel; however, others believe cakes are easier to make. 

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Organization: ​

• Bo​dy Paragraph #1 - Cookies not completely awful for one's health

• Body Paragraph #2 - Cookies are great for travel

• Body Paragraph #3 - On the contrary, others may believe that cakes are easier to make than cookies

Multiple Choice

Based on the following thesis, what is the topic of body paragraph #2?

Coffee is beneficial for a person’s welfare, for it can improve their health, as well as enhance and boost moods and confidence; however, some might argue the opposite, meaning that coffee isn't serviceable for an individual’s being.

• Coffee is beneficial for a person's welfare.

• Coffee improves one's health.

• Coffee affects one's mood and confidence.

Multiple Choice

Based on the following thesis, what is the topic of body paragraph #1?

 Zoos are more beneficial than harmful, the reason being the animals get the medical attention they need and the animals help species that have almost become extinct or on the endangered species list; however, others claim zoos are the reason animals get medical problems. 

• Animals get needed medical attention in zoos.

• Zoos are more beneficial than harmful.

• Zoos are the reason animals get sick.

Multiple Choice

Based on the following thesis, what is the topic of body paragraph #3?

Violent video games inspire violent actions, for it motivates many people to be aggressive towards others around them and it gives many the motivation to wound others; however, many may claim that violent video games don't always desensitize one from real-life violence.

• Violent video games encourages aggression.

• Harming others is a result of too many violent video games.

• Contrastingly, some argue that violent video games do not cause desensitization towards violence.

• Quotes should NEVER stand alone in a sentence!

• ​Quotes need to be blended within your own words (add context)

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Incorrect:

• ​“It is often thought that rainforests are the primary source of oxygen on the planet, but the truth is that rainforests are only responsible for 28% of the oxygen on earth while oceans are responsible for 70%”

• Furthermore, ”if you have started to be a slave to your schedule, leaving no options for plan changes or impromptu people calling in or asking you to meet up etc… It can make you very stressed very quickly.”​

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Quoted evidence

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• Quotes should NEVER stand alone in a sentence!

• ​Quotes need to be blended within your own words (add context)

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Correct:

• ​A US National Library of Medicine author Tina Kubrak claims, “Films on climate issues increase the number of online requests” (Kubrak).

• ​A research study conducted by the University of Wisconsin concluded that people “perform tasks better when the room temperature is set at a cooler setting than a warmer one” (Baum).

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Quoted evidence

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Multiple Choice

Which of the following sentences most accurately uses quoted evidence?

• “ Social media can then hurt your body image by constantly exposing yourself to the ideal body type” ( Bella).

• For example, "Research clearly shows that media exposure contributes to body dissatisfaction and disordered eating” (Bella).

• To add on, Stacy Tucker, a natural health expert and a founder of Almeda Labs, says that, “cold air acts like a natural ice pack to decrease inflammation” (Baum).

Multiple Choice

What is wrong with the following quoted evidence?

In addition, “With Peacock, Paramount and ESPN+ expanding offerings, there were 370 billion total minutes streamed during the regular season, an 18% jump from 2020 and the second-highest total on record behind only 2015.”

• Nothing, the quote is properly embedded into the sentence.

• The evidence is missing context.

• The evidence is missing a transition.

Multiple Choice

What is wrong with the following quoted evidence?

“Although cold weather is often associated with health problems such as cold and flu, you may be surprised to learn that the cold has some health benefits, too!” (Billon)

• Nothing, the quote is properly embedded into the sentence.

• The quote should be paraphrased.

• The quote is standing in isolation.

• Connect it back to your claim & thesis

• Avoid circular reasoning

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​Answer the following questions in your explanation

• ​What's the meaning on this evidence?

• Why is it significant (why did I choose it)?

• How does it SPECIFICALLY connect and/or add to my claim/thesis?

Make your explanation count!

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• Connect it back to your claim & thesis

• Avoid circular reasoning

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Circular:

​“We call on both individual scholars as well as professional guilds such as the American Psychological Association to be more forthcoming about the observed relationship in longitudinal studies between violent games and youth aggression,” the authors conclude.” This shows  that video games do not make people aggressive for they took expert testimonies from multiple scholars. The effect of this is that the studies done by professionals showed that video games had no effect on children.

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Make your explanation count!

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• Demonstrate "how" the evidence relates, don't just say it relates.​

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Incorrect:​

According to Lei Bao, an IST major graduate, “Wearing uniforms also gives students a feeling that the school is a family. They will feel closer to their classmates who wear the same uniform“. This secures the idea that students will tend to feel closer with their classmates since they are all wearing the same clothing. This expresses school pride and improves the likelihood of the school.

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Make your explanation count!

• Connect it back to your claim & thesis

• Avoid circular reasoning

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​Not specific enough:

A short article written on Indiana University’s webpage, called “Books vs. Movies: The Age Old Debate.”, talks about how we are observers who have, “...clear insight into the characters feelings, thoughts and, all the nuance that create three-demensional characters.”(Endashawn para.6). This explains why people have stronger bonds to characters in a book compared to characters in a movie. 

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Make your explanation count!

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Multiple Choice

All of the following are traits of a thorough explanation, except -

• explanation should be a minimum of 3 sentences

• be specific and clearly state "how"

• convey the meaning of the evidence

• connect the evidence to your position/claim

Multiple Choice

What traits should be avoided when writing your explanation?

• circular reasoning, no connection to position/claim, and lack of detail

• circular reasoning, plenty of detail, and connection to thesis

• no connection to position/claim and lack of detail

Multiple Choice

The following explanation is missing incorrect because -

To begin, coffee can really affect people’s diet and health in a very good way such as reducing the chances of diseases and the possibility of early death. Drinking a regular amount of coffee, 2-5 cups a day, can reduce the likelihood of diseases or cancers. According to “Is Coffee Good or Bad for Your Health?",  “Coffee has been more healthful than harmful in terms of health outcomes, moderate coffee consumption can be incorporated into a healthy diet.” (Harvard T.H. Chan). This proves that drinking a reasonable amount of coffee can be incorporated into a good diet. This is important because having a well balanced diet can result in a person's  well being to live longer and to have a better lifestyle.

• it contains circular reasoning

• it contains circular reasoning and does not connect to the claim

• it is lacking detail and does not connect to the claim

• there is nothing missing; it is perfect

Multiple Choice

The following explanation is missing incorrect because -

According to the University Family Medicine Center (UFMC), “In a study of almost 11,000 people who had heart attacks over a period of nine years, survival rate increased by 19 percent if the attack occurred in the summer” (UMFC Pueblo).  UMFC considers that being out in the sunlight could potentially save a life from a heart attack which connects the idea that summer provides benefits that can maintain the health of one’s heart.  The importance of this is that the Vitamin D given from the sun has been protective towards people at risk of having a cardiac arrest.

• it contains circular reasoning

• it contains circular reasoning and does not connect to the claim

• it is lacking detail and does not connect to the claim

• there is nothing missing; it is perfect

Choose your pronouns wisely!​

Avoid first person &

second person pronouns​

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• ​In formal writing, do not use first and second person pronouns

• First person exception: when you are providing personal experience

• Second person exce​ption: at the beginning or end to appeal to the reader

Choose your pronouns wisely!​

Replace "you" with...

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1. individual

2. one

3. some

4. people

5. another noun depending on who the you is (i.e. travelers, students, businessman, etc)

Multiple Choice

When is the only time that you should use first person pronouns in a formal writing piece?

• when you are trying to appeal to the reader by talking directly to them

• when you are providing personal testimony

• whenever you are explaining your evidence

• whenever you want

Multiple Choice

When is the only time that you should use second person pronouns in a formal writing piece?

• when you are trying to appeal to the reader by talking directly to them

• when you are providing personal testimony

• whenever you are explaining your evidence

• whenever you want

Multiple Choice

How can the following sentence best be changed to eliminate the first person pronoun(s).

 Ruud Van Der Weel, a Dutch researcher at the University of Trondheim in Norway states that “You hold a pen and think about what you are going to write and draw a graphic or arrows,” and that “The brain is lazier if we type out what someone says on a keyboard.” (Smith). This shows that using paper helps stimulate our thinking.

• replace "you" with I

• replace "our" with one

• replace "you" with we

• replace "our" with people's

Multiple Choice

How can the following sentence best be changed to eliminate the second person pronoun(s).

 People who acquire less sleep are more prone to being depressed, "One study in 2012, 2,672 participants found that those with anxiety and depression were more likely to report poorer sleep scores than those without anxiety and depression" (Leech).  John Leech, an author for Medline, proves that waking up earlier does not mean people are guaranteed to be more efficient.  Leech had actually proven that forcing yourself to wake up early will actually cause him/her to be less ecstatic, and therefore less productive than if he/she had just slept in.

 

• replace "yourself" with myself

• replace "yourself" with one's self

• replace "yourself" with ourselves

• replace "yourself" with someone

in-text citations​

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• ​Put the author's last name and page number in parenthesis like this (Burke 3) *Do not include a comma; if it is a website, leave the page number off

• it goes at the end of the sentence before the period​ like this (Burke 3).

• If there is no ​known author, use the title like this ("Life is Good").

• If there is no title, use the source like this (​Mayo Clinic).

Citing your sources!

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Multiple Choice

Ideally, what elements do you include in the parentheses of your in-text citation?

• author's last name

• author's last name and page number

• author's full name

• page number

Multiple Choice

Where do you place the in-text citation in your sentence?

• right next to the info you cited in the sentence

• at the beginning of your sentence

• at the end of your sentence

• wherever, it doesn't matter

Multiple Choice

What punctuation do you use to insert an in-text citation?

• parentheses ()

• underline _

• quotation marks "_"

• brackets [_]

Multiple Choice

If the author is unknown or unlisted, what information do you include in the parentheses of your in-text citations?

• Don't include a citation at all

• Leave it off, putting the page number only

• Use the name of the source

• Use the title of the text

Multiple Choice

Review the following citation, then determine what is the correct in-text citation.

Burke, Amber. "In-text citations for dummies." Hays, 2020. 23.

• (Burke, 23)

• ("In-text citations for dummies")

• (Burke 2020)

• (Burke 23)

Works Cited​

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• ​Begin on a new page and title it Works Cited

• ​Put the sources in alphabetical order, note: numbers come first

• ​Sources are left aligned and the first line is NOT indented

• All lines after the first line are indented; this is called a hanging indent​

Citing your sources!

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Multiple Choice

All of the following are true of a Works Cited page, except -

• each citation should be in alphabetical order

• there should be an extra space between each source

• only the first line of each source is not indented

• the page should be double-spaced

Multiple Choice

Where does the following citation belong on the Works Cited page?

Demers, L.-P. “Is Volleyball a Hard Sport to Play?” The Volleyball Lounge, thevblounge.com/is-volleyball-a-hard-sport-to-play/.

• After the citation that begins... Junious, Brandi.

• Before the citation that begins... "36 Reasons Why Reading is Good"

• After the citation that begins... Edgar, Poe

• Before the citation that begins... "Dude, I got you"

Multiple Choice

All of the following are true of indenting a source except -

• First line is always indented

• Each source should be left justified

• All lines below the first line of the citation should be indented

Open Ended

Based on what you learned in this quiz and your feedback from your essay rubric, what needs to be corrected?