Revision Bell Ringer - 1/16

Revising Notes

​When revising, the focus is NOT on capitalization, punctuation, spelling, etc...

The focus on revising is to improve the understanding of what is being written or said.

Ask yourself:

• How can the meaning of the writing be improved?

• Do I need to add something?

• Remove it completely?

• Move it to a new location?

• Do words need to be replaced to improve the vocabulary? Example: good --> fantastic

Multiple Choice

His name was given to him by his grandmother, which means “brave one” in another language.

What is the most effective revision to make?  

• His name, which means “brave one” in another language, was given to him by his grandmother.

• Since his name was given to him by his grandmother, it means “brave one” in another language.

• His name was given to him by his grandmother, it means “brave one” in another language.

• Given to him by a grandmother, in another language, his name means “brave one.” 

Multiple Choice

When Thomas missed him, he would sit in the woods, and the sound of the birds chirping was what he would listen to.

What is the most effective revision to make? 

• Thomas would watch and listen to the sounds of birds chirping when he missed him in the woods. 

• When Thomas missed him, he would sit in the woods he would watch and listen to the sounds of birds chirping.  

• Thomas would watch, and he would listen to the sounds of birds chirping in the woods when he missed him. 

• When Thomas missed him, he would sit in the woods and listen to the sound of birds chirping. 

Multiple Choice

(6) What caused these people to build an underground city in the Australian desert? (7) In 1915 14-year-old Willie Hutchison discovered some rich opal fields in the area. (8) After all, miners from all over the world flooded into the region to seek their fortunes. (9) The miners quickly learned that summer temperatures in the area could escalate to more than 100 degrees and scorch the land for months. (10) In today’s world of air conditioning, that may not seem unbearable, but in 1915 it was.

Anika has not used the most effective transition in sentence 8. Which of the following should replace After all in this sentence? (Plug-in each answer choice and see which one best fits)

• Soon,

• Instead,

• Finally,

• Otherwise,