Revising In/Out Sentences

Amazing Axolotls

​(1) Axolotls are fascinating creatures that can regrow almost any part of their body, including their brain! (2) These remarkable salamanders, native to Mexico, have external gills that look like feathery branches on the sides of their heads. (3) They stay in their larval form throughout their entire lives, which means they keep their youthful features even as adults. (4) My friend's pet axolotl doesn't look very interesting because it just sits in its tank all day. (5) Scientists study axolotls because of their incredible healing abilities, and researchers hope that understanding how axolotls regenerate their body parts might help develop new medical treatments for humans.

Multiple Choice

Which sentence should be removed to strengthen the central idea of the paragraph?

• Sentence 2

• Sentence 3

• Sentence 4

• Sentence 5

Amazing Axolotls

(6) These unique amphibians come in several colors, including pink, black, gold, and white. (7) In the wild, axolotls live in the freshwater canals and lakes near Mexico City, but sadly, they are critically endangered due to pollution and habitat loss. (8) I saw a picture of an axolotl on social media yesterday that looked really weird. (9) Axolotls are carnivorous and use their sharp sense of smell to hunt small fish, worms, and insects. (10) They can survive up to 15 years in captivity when properly cared for, making them fascinating pets for those who can provide the right environment.

Multiple Choice

Which sentence should be removed to strengthen the central idea of the paragraph?

• Sentence 7

• Sentence 8

• Sentence 9

• Sentence 10

Adding in Supporting Details

Sometimes, a paragraph needs a little more information. We can revise information into writing, but it is important to put it in a spot that flows well with the rest of the text.

Let's take a look!

(1) Mount Rainier is an impressive stratovolcano located in Mount Rainier National Park in Washington state. 2() Standing at an elevation of 14,411 feet, it is the highest mountain in the Cascade Range and the highest mountain in Washington state. (3) The mountain is an active volcano, though it hasn't had a major eruption in over 1,000 years. (4) Native Americans called the mountain "Talol" or "Tahoma," which means "mother of waters," because its glaciers feed several major rivers in the region.

(5) The mountain is home to 26 major glaciers, making it the most glaciated peak in the continental United States. (6) These massive ice sheets help provide water to the surrounding areas and create beautiful landscapes. (7) The mountain's slopes are covered with beautiful wildflower meadows in summer and thick forests of Douglas fir, western red cedar, and other evergreen trees.

​Where would be the most effective place to insert this sentence?

The glaciers, combined with volcanic activity beneath the surface, have shaped the mountain's unique features over thousands of years.

Paragraph 1 or 2? After which sentence?

Glacier National Park

(1) Glacier National Park, located in Montana, is often called the "Crown of the Continent" because of its majestic mountain peaks and stunning glaciers. (2) The park was established in 1910 and covers over 1 million acres of wilderness, featuring spectacular landscapes shaped by ancient ice sheets. (3) These massive glaciers carved out deep valleys, created crystal-clear lakes, and formed towering mountain peaks that visitors can still see today.

​Where is the most effective place to insert the following sentence?
(after sentence ____)

The park is also home to diverse wildlife, including grizzly bears, mountain goats, and bighorn sheep, making it a perfect place to observe animals in their natural habitat.

Multiple Choice

Where should the sentence be placed to add more detail and keep the central idea clear?

• After sentence 1

• After sentence 2

• After sentence 3

(4) One of the most famous features of Glacier National Park is the Going-to-the-Sun Road, a 50-mile scenic drive that crosses through the heart of the park. (5) Unfortunately, climate change is affecting the park's glaciers, and scientists estimate that many of them could disappear by 2030. (6) This makes Glacier National Park not only a beautiful place to visit but also an important reminder of why we need to protect our environment for future generations.

​Where is the most effective place to insert the following sentence?
(after sentence ____)

This amazing road takes visitors past some of the park's most beautiful sights, including wildflower meadows, waterfalls, and glacier-carved valleys.

Multiple Choice

Where should the sentence be placed to add more detail and keep the central idea clear?

• After sentence 4

• After sentence 5

• After sentence 6