Irony Detectives

Assault and Battery:

Annie Allen loved her fiancé Scott. Annie loved him so much that he was all that she thought about all

day. Feeling particularly in love with Scott, Annie thought that she’d surprise him with romance, so she

snuck into his house using the spare key under his doormat and waited in his room for him to come

home from a business trip. While waiting for him to come home, she thought the surprise might be even

better if she hid in his closet. So she did. Twenty minutes later, she heard keys rustling in the lock. The

door slammed, and then she heard the sound of feet walking up the stairs and Scott’s voice. “You know

I can’t wait to see you, Baby,” she thought she heard Scott say. He must be leaving me a message,

Annie pleasantly thought to herself. Then she heard Scott continue to talk. “No, she’s nothing serious.

And besides, you know you’re the one I love, Katie.” Annie’s heart dropped. She grabbed the pepper

spray from out of her purse, unlatched the safety, and felt her hand tense on the release button. Scott

walked into the room, smiling and laughing as he flirted with Katie on the phone.

• Verbal

• Situational

• Dramatic

Reckless Endangerment:

Swanson Wisconsin was a famous child star. She had several platinum selling albums, her own TV

sitcom, and a series of straight-to-DVD films that received terrible reviews but sold really well.

Swanson Wisconsin was extremely wealthy and had the respect and admiration of millions of boys and

girls around the world. She was everywhere. She was even the face of the antidrug movement.

Swanson Wisconsin appeared on several commercials, billboards, and bus advertisements telling young

people not to use drugs. All over the country the message was heard: “Be like Swanson Wisconsin.

Think up. Don’t get high.” One fateful December evening, Swanson Wisconsin crashed her Bentley

into hotdog stand. No one was injured, but Swanson Wisconsin was extremely disorientated. At the

hospital, blood tests revealed that Swanson Wisconsin had enough crystal meth, cocaine, and

tranquilizers in her system to murder an elephant.

• Verbal

• Situational

• Dramatic

Breaking and Entering

Jimmy the Lock was a master safecracker. He could bust open any safe in the world in under an hour

using a crow bar, stethoscope, drill, and sledgehammer. No lock could hold Jimmy and that’s why they

called him “the Lock.” Jimmy was scheduled to do a six-year stretch in Statesville for a bank job that

got messy in suburbs, but he checked himself out before they could slam the cell door shut. Now Jimmy

was set up to get the score of his life. He had the blueprints all laid out to do a job on an armored car

diamond delivery. Gathering up all of his tools and gear, Jimmy headed out the door to meet his

contact, Bobby the Rat, but when he got to his car, he couldn’t find his keys. He patted down his

pockets before he realized that he must have left them in his other thieving-pants. Jimmy went back to

get his keys, but the door wouldn’t open. Jimmy the Lock had locked himself out of his house.

• Verbal

• Situational

• Dramatic

Grand Theft Auto

Jack was on his way home from work when his wife Jill called him. He was in a hurry to get home and

watch his favorite show, COPS, but Jill said that he needed to stop at the minimart to get some bread for

dinner. Jack replied dutifully to his wife, “Yes, Dear.” When he got to the minimart, Jack was in such a

hurry that he didn’t even pull into a parking spot. He just pulled up right next to the door. It was 6:58,

and COPS was starting in two minutes, so Jack just left his car running and ran into the store. He

grabbed the bread from the middle aisle and got in the line behind a skinny guy wearing a leather jacket.

Jack tapped his foot impatiently as the man purchased lottery tickets. Finally, the clerk rang up Jack

right as Jack’s watch read 6:59. Jack hurriedly completed the transaction and ran outside. As he went to

jump into his car, he noticed that it was gone. He looked around a bit, but it was no where in sight.

“Great,” Jack sighed. His watch read 7:01. “How wonderful,” he said to himself, as he reached in his

pocket to call his wife.

• Verbal

• Situational

• Dramatic

Embezzlement

Suzy works in a big sky scrapper downtown. She is the secretary for the regional manager of operations

at Bork and Mork’s Corks and Forks. As the secretary, she was entrusted with a large supply of loose

cash called a slush fund. The slush fund started at around five thousand dollars, but Suzy has been

dipping her hands into the slush fund. It first started when she forgot her wallet at home. She was really

hungry, so she grabbed a few bucks out of the slush fund for lunch and told herself that she would pay it

back tomorrow. When tomorrow came, she didn’t pay it back. The next day she decided that she

needed to go grocery shopping after work, but she didn’t get paid until next week and she was out of

money. So Suzy grabbed her grocery money out of the slush fund. Again she told herself that she

would pay it back, and again she did not. This pattern went on for another week or two, and Suzy

bought herself all kinds of fancy goods and services. With her freshly manicured nails, Suzy opened the

slush found box and found that it was empty. She began to panic, but was eventually able to block it out

of her mind. That afternoon Suzy’s boss, Mr. Meister, called Suzy into his office. “Suzy,” he said

sternly. “As you may know, my birthday is next Friday. I want you to throw me the biggest party this

office has ever seen.” Suzy gulped as Mr. Meister went on, “I want an open bar, a clown, seven swans a

swimming, the whole shebang! I want a nacho cheese fountain with at least four types of cheeses.

Spare no expense. Drain every penny from the slush fund.” Suzy noticed the look of childlike joy and

excitement in his eyes as he imagined the extravagant party that would never happen, and Suzy

shuddered to think of what tomorrow would bring.

• Dramatic

• Situational

• Verbal

Larceny and Destruction of Property

Jose and his little brother Angel were always getting picked on by the older boys in his neighborhood.

After Angel had his lunch money stolen from him on his way home from school, Jose decided that his

family had been the victims of criminals for the last time. Jose would join the Cobras, a gang that

worked on his block. Jose thought that he and his brother would have the protection that they needed to

get to and from school without being harassed if Jose were a Cobra. So Jose talked to Ice, the leader of

the Cobras. Ice said that they might have a spot for Jose, but he would have to pass an initiation: Jose

would have to steal a bicycle. Jose told Ice, “I’ll have to think about it,” but Ice responded, “Cobra’s

don’t think about doing what they’re told. If you want in, you’ll go steal that bike right over there at the

minimart.” Jose didn’t want to steal. He knew it was wrong, but he thought that the only person who

could give them protection was Ice. So Jose ran up to the bike. Jose hardly paid attention to anything

around him. His heart was beating so fast and he was so nervous, everything was a blur. He grabbed

the bike and rode it back to Ice. Ice was pleased and said, “Great. Roll the bike off the top of that

abandoned building and we’ll think about making you a Cobra.” Jose didn’t want to destroy the

property, but he was sick of his brother getting picked on and being the victim of crime, so he would do

it for him. Jose rolled the bike up the seven flights of stairs to the building rooftop. His heart was

beating like a drum machine. Jose closed his eyes and pushed the bike off the building. He heard the

sound of it smashing to pieces and then he heard Ice and his gang chuckling. When he went back to Ice,

Ice told him that he had hesitated too much and that Cobra’s don’t hesitate, so Jose couldn’t get in the

gang. Jose couldn’t believe he did all of that for nothing, but he was kind of relieved that he was leaving

the gang life behind him. He went home to find his little brother crying. “What’s wrong, Angel?” Jose

asked concernedly. Angel replied in between sobs, “My... my... bike. Somebody stole my bike.”

• Dramatic

• Situational

• Verbal

Vandalism

Though the police considered him a criminal, and property owners considered him a menace, Noodles

considered himself an artist. Noodles would paint huge murals and spray can artwork on everything he

could reach, water towers, billboards, shop windows, overpasses, anything he could reach. One day,

Noodles spray painted his name in big block letters over the window of the local grocery store. When

the store owner arrived the next day, he was heard to utter, “Oh! Thank you. How nice of you,

Noodles, to spray paint your name over my store window like that. I really appreciate it.” He never got

to thank Noodles personally, though he often wished that he had.

• Dramatic

• Situational

• Verbal

What is the effect of irony in Assault and Battery:

Annie Allen loved her fiancé Scott. Annie loved him so much that he was all that she thought about all

day. Feeling particularly in love with Scott, Annie thought that she’d surprise him with romance, so she

snuck into his house using the spare key under his doormat and waited in his room for him to come

home from a business trip. While waiting for him to come home, she thought the surprise might be even

better if she hid in his closet. So she did. Twenty minutes later, she heard keys rustling in the lock. The

door slammed, and then she heard the sound of feet walking up the stairs and Scott’s voice. “You know

I can’t wait to see you, Baby,” she thought she heard Scott say. He must be leaving me a message,

Annie pleasantly thought to herself. Then she heard Scott continue to talk. “No, she’s nothing serious.

And besides, you know you’re the one I love, Katie.” Annie’s heart dropped. She grabbed the pepper

spray from out of her purse, unlatched the safety, and felt her hand tense on the release button. Scott

walked into the room, smiling and laughing as he flirted with Katie on the phone.

• The author's use of irony emphasizes a lesson: Even those you love can deceive you

• The author's use of irony adds suspense since the reader knows Annie pepper sprays him

• The author's use of irony creates humor because pepper spraying people is funny

What is the effect of the author's use of irony in Reckless Endangerment:

Swanson Wisconsin was a famous child star. She had several platinum selling albums, her own TV

sitcom, and a series of straight-to-DVD films that received terrible reviews but sold really well.

Swanson Wisconsin was extremely wealthy and had the respect and admiration of millions of boys and

girls around the world. She was everywhere. She was even the face of the antidrug movement.

Swanson Wisconsin appeared on several commercials, billboards, and bus advertisements telling young

people not to use drugs. All over the country the message was heard: “Be like Swanson Wisconsin.

Think up. Don’t get high.” One fateful December evening, Swanson Wisconsin crashed her Bentley

into hotdog stand. No one was injured, but Swanson Wisconsin was extremely disorientated. At the

hospital, blood tests revealed that Swanson Wisconsin had enough crystal meth, cocaine, and

tranquilizers in her system to murder an elephant.

• The author's use of irony creates humor.

• The author's use of irony emphasizes a lesson: Money and fame doesn't always result in happiness

• The author's use of irony creates suspense because the reader knows Swanson is doing drugs all along.

What is the effect of the author's use of irony in Breaking and Entering

Jimmy the Lock was a master safecracker. He could bust open any safe in the world in under an hour

using a crow bar, stethoscope, drill, and sledgehammer. No lock could hold Jimmy and that’s why they

called him “the Lock.” Jimmy was scheduled to do a six-year stretch in Statesville for a bank job that

got messy in suburbs, but he checked himself out before they could slam the cell door shut. Now Jimmy

was set up to get the score of his life. He had the blueprints all laid out to do a job on an armored car

diamond delivery. Gathering up all of his tools and gear, Jimmy headed out the door to meet his

contact, Bobby the Rat, but when he got to his car, he couldn’t find his keys. He patted down his

pockets before he realized that he must have left them in his other thieving-pants. Jimmy went back to

get his keys, but the door wouldn’t open. Jimmy the Lock had locked himself out of his house.

• The author's use of irony creates suspense

• The author's use of irony adds humor

• The author's use of irony emphasizes a lesson: Friends can't be trusted