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You wrote about a very important time in your life.  How did you feel when this happened? 

• The reader is interested in your feelings.

• Describing your feelings would add important information to your essay.

Mention what Clark says about parental pressure and the effect on students. 

• Clark is an expert on this topic, so her research should be mentioned in your essay.

• Clark is the president of this school and talked about this point in her last newsletter. You should add it to your essay.

A very nice start to your essay! You've done an impressive job of finding facts and quotes to support your arguments. 

• Your essay is perfect and you can hand it in now.

• Continue researching and citing well for the rest of the essay.

Don't forget to spell-check!

• You made a number of spelling errors.

• I'd just like to remind you to use the spell-check.

Can you think of another example here? 

• Your statement is not clear enough, so you need to add another specific example.

• Your example is fine but more are better.

This reference is 25 years old!

• I'm impressed by the age of this reference.

• The information in this reference is not up to date. You need to find more recent information.

Use your own words.

• This vocabulary is too difficult to understand. Remember, your classmates should be able to read your essay.

• You need to paraphrase and cite this information to avoid plagiarism.

Source? 

• You need to add in-text citations to show where you got the information from.

• You need to change the words so that they're not the same as the original.

Clearer explanation needed.

• You need to add more references.

• I don't understand this part. Rewrite it.

Past or present tense?

• I don't know what tense you used.

• The tense you used makes the meaning unclear.