Revising and Editing Test Review

Which sentence should replace sentence 2 to provide a more effective claim for this paper?

• Regardless of the reason, musical instruments are a meaningful addition to a person's skill set.

• Throughout history, musical instruments have been enjoyed by young and old alike.

• Clearly, there are many different types of musical instruments, and all are beneficial and valuable.

• However, learning to play a musical instrument can benefit a person's life in a host of other ways.

Answer explanation

Quick tip--if you are torn between two thesis choices, perhaps rereading the conclusion (where the thesis is restated) may help you make a decision.

What is the most effective transition to add to the beginning of sentence 12?

• Furthermore

• Therefore

• However

• To illustrate

Answer explanation

You can use the dictionary tool to look up and simplify transition words if you get stuck!

What revision, if any, is needed in sentence 16?

• The study, as reported in the Journal of Neuroscience, found that professional musicians have the most gray matter.

• The study found that professional musicians, as reported in the Journal of Neuroscience, have the most gray matter.

• The study was reported in the Journal of Neuroscience, it found that professional musicians have the most gray matter.

• No change is needed.

Answer explanation

To avoid confusion, modifying phrases and clauses should be placed next to the word they are describing.

Which sentence could best follow and support sentence 24?

• Some instruments are simply too expensive for the average young person to purchase and learn how to play well.

• This is a great way for a student to achieve the memory and recall benefits of learning to master a musical instrument.

• For older individuals who don't have that option, there are inexpensive models of many instruments designed especially for beginners.

• People who build into their lives the focused time that it takes to learn to play an instrument rarely regret the many hours spent on it.

Answer explanation

Be sure to read the entire paragraph. Consider the transition words or phrases that will follow the sentence you add--they may help you decide between two answers.

The word sad is not the most effective word to use in sentence 26. Which word should replace sad in this sentence?

• afflicted

• mournful

• discouraged

• melancholy

Answer explanation

Think about the connotation and intensity of these words. Remember to use the dictionary tool for support as you need it!

How should Arya revise sentence 5 to avoid repeating ideas?

• As the family prepared to leave for their trip one early morning, contrasting sharply with her apprehensiveness were the necessary things they did to get ready and Becca's parents' bubbly enthusiasm.

• As the family prepared to leave for their trip early one morning, Becca's parents' bubbly enthusiasm contrasted sharply with her apprehensiveness.

• As the family prepared to leave for their trip one early morning, they did the necessary things to get ready that contrasted sharply with Becca's parents' bubbly enthusiasm and her apprehensiveness.

• As the family prepared and got ready to leave for their trip one early morning, Becca's apprehensiveness and her parents' bubbly enthusiasm contrasted.

What revision, if any, is needed in sentence 7?

• Becca had always loved animals because one silly encounter, being with a rabbit in the backyard, had made an enormous impression on her family.

• Becca had always loved animals and with a rabbit in the backyard, one silly encounter had made an enormous impression on her family.

• Becca had always loved animals, but one silly encounter had made an enormous impression on her family with a rabbit in the backyard.

• No change is needed.

Answer explanation

Double check your thinking before selecting "No change is needed" as the answer. It is rarely (but not never) the correct choice.

Arya has included a sentence in the fourth paragraph (sentences 12-15) that repeats information. Which sentence should be removed from this paragraph?

• Sentence 12

• Sentence 13

• Sentence 14

• Sentence 15

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 17 and 18?

• After climbing reluctantly into the back seat, she rested her head against a pillow and promptly fell into a deep slumber.

• She climbed reluctantly into the back seat, and she rested her head against a pillow, and she promptly fell into a deep slumber.

• As she climbed reluctantly into the back seat, she rested her head against a pillow that promptly fell into a deep slumber.

• She climbed reluctantly into the back seat, she rested her head against a pillow and promptly fell into a deep slumber.

Answer explanation

Avoid creating run-on sentences. Choose the answer that expresses thoughts the most clearly. (Does a pillow snore while it slumbers?)

Which sentence can replace sentence 26 and improve the transition between the sixth paragraph (sentences 19-25) and the seventh paragraph (sentences 26-31)?

• Becca thought that her dad had not heard her.

• Becca's dad smiled and slowed the car to a halt.

• Becca didn't know where her dad was going.

• Becca's dad appeared to be somewhat confused.

Answer explanation

Consider the tone of the paragraph and whether it matches the tone of the new topic sentence.