Revise and Editing DOL

Read the following text, “Four Days Is Enough”, to respond to question 1. 

Four Days Is Enough

1. "Students, are you having a difficult time completing all the activities in your schedule? (2) Teaches, are you exhausted from nonstop work? (3) You are not alone. (4) Every day in schools across the nation, teens have challenging classes, hours of homework, and extracurricular activities such as sports and music. (5) By Friday, students are waking up exhausted, but they must drag themselves  through one more school day. (6) Likewise, teachers are spending their weekends grading paper and preparing lesson instead of relaxing with family and friends."

Nancy has not used the most effective word in sentence 4. Which word should replace have to create a more effective sentence?

• carry

• accept

• manage

• enroll

Read the following text, “In Sync”, to respond to questions 2-4.

J.T. wrote this paper about a unique Japanese activity. Read the paper and look for any revisions J.T. should make. Then answer the questions that follow.

In Sync

1. Texas is known for it’s superb high school marching bands. (2) Each week during football season, thousands of students take to the field to display their musical and marching talents. (3) These same students also compete in local and state and national competitions and exhibitions. (4) However, marching bands aren’t found in just this state or even just this country. (5) But in one country there are marchers who skip the music component all together. (6) Students at Japan’s Nippon Sports Science University, NSSU, participate in an intricate marching-like exhibition known as precision walking. 

J.T would like to add the following sentence to the first paragraph (sentences 1-6). Students from around the world are also part of musical marching groups. Where is the most effective place to insert this sentence?

• After sentence 1

• After sentence 2

• After sentence 4

• After sentence 5

Read the following text from “In Sync” 

(7) NSSU students have perfected the nearly 50-year-old tradition of shuundan koudu, which means “collective action.” (8) The collective action is a carefully choreographed display of synchronized walking. (9) Identically dressed students walk forward and backwards to form lines and shapes, even crossing between one another at times. (10) There are no musical cues for the students to use as they march in the changing formations. (11) Furthermore, they walk in perfect step by following the direction of an announcer. (12) Directors bellow loud, sharp commands, such as, “Front row, turn left!” and “Cross walk,” over a loudspeaker. (13) And with each command, the students fall into perfect alignment. (14) Even the swing of their arms is synchronized. (15) A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display that is visible.

J.T. wants to use a more appropriate transition in sentence 11. Which of the following can best replace furthermore in this sentence?

• for example

• in conclusion

• overall

• instead

"(7) NSSU students have perfected the nearly 50-year-old tradition of shuundan koudu, which means “collective action.” (8) The collective action is a carefully choreographed display of synchronized walking. (9) Identically dressed students walk forward and backwards to form lines and shapes, even crossing between one another at times. (10) There are no musical cues for the students to use as they march in the changing formations. (11) Furthermore, they walk in perfect step by following the direction of an announcer. (12) Directors bellow loud, sharp commands, such as, “Front row, turn left!” and “Cross walk,” over a loudspeaker. (13) And with each command, the students fall into perfect alignment. (14) Even the swing of their arms is synchronized. (15) A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display that is visible. "

What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 15?

• A misstep by just one student and a flaw is created that is visible in the perfectly coordinated display.

• A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw in the perfectly coordinated display.

• A misstep by just one student creates a flag in the perfectly coordinated display, the flaw is visible.

• A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw that can be seen in the perfectly coordinated display.

"(16) To prepare for an exhibition, students practice three days a week for five months at a time. (17) They participate in training exercises to help get them in shape. (18) During this time it is estimated that they walk more than 700 miles, which is about the same distance as walking across the entier state of Texas!

(19) Many of the students at NSSU will go on to become coaches, physical education teachers, and trainers. (20) The university also offers master's and doctoral degree programs. (21) Keiko Suzki, captain of the 2014 walking team, says that by participating in precision walking, she and her classmates will be better prepared for their careers. (22) “ We all mastered this highly disciplined training and made it our habit to stick to strict rules,” said Suzuki. (23) “I believe this experience will be an asset as we enter into the job market.”

J.T. has included an extraneous sentence in his paper. Which of these sentences should be deleted from this paper?

• Sentence 9

• Sentence 13

• Sentence 18

• Sentence 20