OLS ELA 5th 12.10 Drafting (B) Expanding Reducing Sentences

Read the sentence.

Bianka walked onto the stage to play in the piano recital.

Which revision should the writer make to emphasize how Bianka was feeling?

• Bianka nervously walked onto the stage to play in her first piano recital.

• Bianka walked onto the auditorium stage to play in the piano recital.

• When it was her turn, Bianka walked onto the stage to play in her first piano recital.

• Bianka walked onto the stage to play in the piano recital for the first time.

Tags

CCSS.L.2.1E

CCSS.L.3.1A

CCSS.L.3.1G

Read the sentence

Dominic felt something on his shoulder.

How should a writer add precise details to the sentence to make it most interesting to readers?

• Dominic felt something cold and slimy drop on his shoulder and begin to move.

• Dominic felt something on his shoulder, but he was unable to tell exactly what it was.

• Dominic felt something fall on his shoulder as he walked beneath the trees.

Tags

CCSS.L.2.1E

CCSS.L.1.1F

Read the passage.

Coral reefs are not just affected by human activity. Other organisms can do damage too. A nasty creature, the flatworm, is messing with the coral. The flatworm lives inside some species of coral. It affects its coral host by feeding on coral tissue and robbing the coral of nutrients it needs to survive.

Reread this sentence from the passage.

A nasty creature, the flatworm, is messing with the coral.

Which revision best expands the sentence to create a more formal style?

• A parasite that is threatening the health of coral reefs is the flatworm.

• The flatworm is a parasite, and it’s a real problem for coral reefs these days.

• One major pain for coral reefs is the flatworm because it’s destructive.

• The flatworm makes life for coral miserable because it’s a parasite.

Read the sentence.

Gemma is running late this morning.

Which revision best explains why Gemma is late?

• Gemma forgot to set her alarm, so she is running late this morning.

• Gemma is running late this morning, and she knows it will ruin her day.

• Gemma feels disappointed in herself because she is running late this morning.

Tags

CCSS.L.3.1A

CCSS.L.3.1D

Read the sentence.

In spite of the fact that she was a young girl at only ten, Becca made the decision to begin writing an autobiography of the story of her life.

Which revision best reduces the sentence to make it easier to understand?

• In spite of the fact that she is young at only ten, Becca has decided to begin writing the story of her life.

• • 
    

    Although Becca is only a ten-year-old young girl, she decided to begin an autobiography to tell her life's story.

• Although she was only ten, Becca decided to begin writing her autobiography.

• Becca may only be a young girl of ten, but she has already decided to write.

Tags

CCSS.RF.1.4

CCSS.RF.2.3F

CCSS.RF.2.4

CCSS.RF.3.3B

CCSS.RF.5.3A

Read the sentence.

Arturo received a large cash prize when he was chosen as the winner of a writing contest, and he did something really nice and totally unselfish with the winnings that he received.

Which revision most effectively shortens the sentence to make it less repetitive and more precise?

• Arturo won a cash prize in a writing contest and donated the money to a local animal shelter.

• Arturo did something unselfish with the prize money he won in a writing contest instead of spending it on himself.

• As the winner of a writing contest, Arturo won money and gave his winnings away.

Tags

CCSS.L.4.1F

Read the sentence.

I cannot fully express my excitement about the opportunity to spend time together.

Which revision creates a more informal style?

• I can’t wait to hang out with you.

• It will be very pleasant to see one another again.

• I am very excited to have the chance to spend time with you.