REVISION: Adventures in Big Bend

How should Arya revise sentence 5 to avoid repeating ideas?

• As the family prepared to leave for their trip one early morning, contrasting sharply with her apprehensiveness were the necessary things they did to get ready and Becca’s parents’ bubbly enthusiasm.

• As the family prepared to leave for their trip one early morning, Becca’s parents’ bubbly enthusiasm contrasted sharply with her apprehensiveness.

• As the family prepared to leave for their trip one early morning, they did the necessary things to get ready that contrasted sharply with Becca’s parents’ bubbly enthusiasm and her apprehensiveness.

• As the family prepared and got ready to leave for their trip one early morning, Becca’s apprehensiveness and her parents’ bubbly enthusiasm contrasted.

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E1.W.9.C

What revision, if any, is needed in sentence 7?

• Becca had always loved animals because one silly encounter, being with a rabbit in the backyard, had made an enormous impression on her family.

• Becca had always loved animals and with a rabbit in the backyard, one silly encounter had made an enormous impression on her family.

• Becca had always loved animals, but one silly encounter had made an enormous impression on her family with a rabbit in the backyard.

• No change is needed.

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E1.W.9.C

Arya has included a sentence in the fourth paragraph (sentences 12–15) that repeats information. Which sentence should be removed from this paragraph?

• Sentence 12

• Sentence 13

• Sentence 14

• Sentence 15

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E1.W.9.Bii

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 17 and 18?

• After climbing reluctantly into the back seat, she rested her head against a pillow and promptly fell into a deep slumber.

• She climbed reluctantly into the back seat, and she rested her head against a pillow, and she promptly fell into a deep slumber.

• As she climbed reluctantly into the back seat, she rested her head against a pillow that promptly fell into a deep slumber.

• She climbed reluctantly into the back seat, she rested her head against a pillow and promptly fell into a deep slumber.

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E1.W.9.C

Which sentence can replace sentence 26 and improve the transition between the sixth paragraph (sentences 19–25) and the seventh paragraph (sentences 26–31)?

• Becca thought that her dad had not heard her.

• Becca’s dad smiled and slowed the car to a halt.

• Becca didn’t know where her dad was going.

• Becca’s dad appeared to be somewhat confused.

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E1.W.9.Bi

Arya wants a more effective topic sentence for the eleventh paragraph (sentences 39–42). Which sentence should replace sentence 39?

• Becca was anxious to get into the lodge.

• Becca looked hesitant.

• Becca knew very little about bears.

• Becca was finally convinced.

Tags

E1.W.9.Bi