Revising or Editing

R1: Sofia would like to add the following detail to the first paragraph (sentences 1–8). Where should this sentence be inserted?

• After sentence 1

• After sentence 3

• After sentence 5

• After sentence 6

R1: What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 12?

• Realizing that she hadn’t recovered from her previous race, she slowed her pace to a jog.

• She realized that she hadn’t recovered from her previous race, her pace slowed to a jog.

• Realizing that she hadn’t recovered from her previous race, a jog was all she could slow her pace to.

• She realized that she hadn’t recovered from the pace of her previous race, which slowed to a jog.

R1: Sofia wants to add a quotation after sentence 25 to support the idea that she is trying to convey. Which of the following could best accomplish this goal?

• “She was in front of me the whole race, so she deserved to finish in front of me no matter what it took,” Vogel later commented.

• “I remember moving to her position,” Vogel recalled after the event. “[McMath] was doing the best she could to keep her body upright.”

• “We are a little bit of a minority being distance runners,” Vogel shared sometime later. “I think we all have an instant connection.”

• Vogel quietly commented at a later time, “At the time, all I was thinking was that she fell so I probably should pick her up.”

R1: Which of the following could replace sentence 28 and provide a more effective transition between the fourth paragraph (sentences 20–27) and the fifth paragraph (sentences 28–32)?

• Overall, the girls thought they would eventually have to talk to members of the media.

• In conclusion, the media wanted a story, and they were going to get it no matter what it took.

• In the days that followed, both girls were inundated with calls from the media.

• However, the girls were soon being interviewed over the phone and on national television.

R1: Sofia would like to add a quotation to the end of her paper to help bring it to an effective conclusion. Which of the following would be the most effective for her to add?

• Interestingly, Vogel has been reported to have once said to a reporter, “I was just worried about getting Arden across the finish line and not hurting her.”

• Looking back at the day that she both won a gold medal and came in last place, Vogel said, “I got more attention for helping Arden than for winning at state, but I don’t mind. Sportsmanship is a much bigger deal than winning a race.”

• “It definitely caught me off guard,” Vogel said of the attention after the race. “I was expecting the first week of my summer to be pretty relaxed. I was looking forward to getting away. All I could think was, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me.’”

• One day Vogel was heard to have said to a group of people who were listening, “When I hear words like that I think of Harriet Tubman and saving people’s lives. I don’t consider myself a hero.”

R2: Aisha would like to offer a more effective thesis statement for her paper. Which of the following could replace sentences 3 and 4 and help accomplish this goal?

• There was a group in the area that would be called Knits for Nature. This particular group decided that it wanted to help the birds and made sweaters for them that would do this.

• A group of concerned conservationists in the area came together to help these birds. The group, which called itself Knits for Nature, began temporarily fitting the oil-soaked birds with handmade sweaters.

• While many people wanted to help the little birds, Knits for Nature acted quickly. After learning about the plight of Australia’s fairy penguins, they knew that there was something they could contribute.

• These birds desperately needed some help, or they might all die. A group known as Knits for Nature came to the rescue for the birds with their sweaters.

R2: What is the most effective way to revise sentence 6?

• Each day the penguins that leave their burrows head out to sea for spending the day swimming and feeding.

• Each day the penguins head out to sea to spend the day swimming and feeding, leaving their burrows.

• Each day the penguins leave their burrows they head out to sea to spend the day swimming and feeding.

• Each day the penguins leave their burrows and head out to sea to spend the day swimming and feeding.

R2: What is the most effective way to combine sentences 9 and 10?

• Some penguins would try to groom themselves because they swallowed the toxic oil and died.

• Attempting to groom themselves were some penguins, who swallowed the toxic oil and died.

• While attempting to groom themselves, some penguins swallowed the toxic oil and died.

• Some penguins would try to groom themselves, they swallowed the toxic oil and died.

R2: What is the most effective transition to add to the beginning of sentence 17?

• However

• For example

• Furthermore

• As a result