EOC II Revising and Editing

Q1. (1) They say just one spark can start a fire. (2) That may be true of a forest fire, but I had no idea that it could also be true for people until a spark touched my life. (3) With my dad out of work and three kids at home, times were tough.
(4) They tried to hide how bad things were, but I was too old to be fooled. 
(5) I knew there were days when they didn’t know how they were going to buy groceries. (6) Then one afternoon I opened the mailbox and saw a stack of green bills sitting there. 

The best way to clarify the meaning of sentence 4 is to change They to — 

• The newspapers
• My parents
• We
• The kids

Q2. (3) With my dad out of work and three kids at home, times were tough.
(4) They tried to hide how bad things were, but I was too old to be fooled. (5) I knew there were days when they didn’t know how they were going to buy groceries. (6) Then one afternoon I opened the mailbox and saw a stack of green bills sitting there. (7) Attached was a note that simply read “Pay it forward.”
(8) When I brought the money inside, my whole family just sat in shock for a few minutes. (9) Then we gave thanks for the generosity of a stranger. 
Ben realized that he left the following detail out of the second paragraph (sentences 3–9). 
"I counted them and realized I was holding more than $200 in cash."
Where is the most effective place to insert this sentence?

• After sentence 5
• After sentence 6
• After sentence 7
• After sentence 8

Q4.  (16) Within a matter of days, we started to hear stories of others who had benefited from a spark of kindness. (17) The man whose fence we fixed told us how he helped another friend clean out her garage. (18) The kids in the after- school program for the residents of a retirement center made cards. (19) The elderly neighbor made cookies for a community bake sale. (20) And the single mom joined some fellow students who were spearheading a winter coat drive for the homeless. 
 
What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 18? 

• The kids in the after-school program made cards they were for the residents of a retirement center. 
• The kids in the after-school program and the residents of a retirement center made cards. 
• The kids in the after-school program made cards for the residents of a retirement center. 
• The kids in the after-school program of a retirement center made cards for the residents. 

Q7.  (12) The da Vinci
consists of two main parts: a viewing
and control console and a surgical
arm unit, which contains several
extensions. (13) To use the system,
the surgeon makes three or four
small incisions in a patient, and the
surgeon then inserts stainless-steel
rods into the openings. (14) One rod
holds a camera that provides a 
three-dimensional video image.

What is the best way to revise sentence 13? 

• To use the system, the surgeon, while making three or four small incisions in a patient, inserts stainless-steel rods into the openings. 
• To use the system, the surgeon makes three or four small incisions in a patient who inserts stainless-steel rods into the openings. 
• To use the system, the surgeon makes three or four small incisions in a patient she then inserts stainless-steel rods into the openings. 
• To use the system, the surgeon makes three or four small incisions in a patient and then inserts stainless-steel rods into the openings. 

Q8.  (15) The other rods hold a variety of surgical instruments that have the ability to cut and suture tissue inside the body. (16) The surgeon sits at a console a few feet away from the patient and the robot. (17) The surgeon’s hands aren’t on the instruments or the rods; they’re on controls that look like joysticks. (18) The surgeon looks into a magnified video screen and tweaks the controls. (19) The da Vinci mimics every movement the surgeon makes. 

Zane needs to use a more appropriate word than tweaks in sentence 18. Which of these words would be the best replacement for tweaks? 

• corrects
• manipulates
• does
• changes

Q9.   (20) What is the future of this new kind of surgery? (21) If the da Vinci can be controlled from 10 feet away, could it be controlled from 100 feet away?
(22) What about 100 miles away? (23) Could this be a way to provide better medical care to people? (24) Today’s surgical robots are too large and bulky for these kinds of uses. (25) Furthermore, the technology isn’t reliable enough yet to be used for robotic surgery in distant locations. (26) Although these and many other questions are still unanswered, it seems clear that robotics will play an important role in the future of medicine. (27) It will be interesting to see how this new technology evolves and how it will affect our lives someday. 

Zane wants to provide more detail in sentence 23. Which of the following could replace sentence 23 and best accomplish this goal? 

• Could this be a way to provide and give better medical care to people who may really need it today? 
• Could this be a method for providing better and improved medical care to people who live in places outside the United States? 
• Could this be a way to provide better medical care to people in rural communities, war zones, or isolated parts of the world? 
• Could this be a way for excited and engaged doctors to provide enriched medical care to people and patients whom they care so much about?