Revising: My Experience with Credit

Veronica has not used the most effective word in sentence 10.  Use the drop-down menu to select the word which should replace use to create a more effective sentence.

I would recommend a savings account as a first step for everyone—it’s easy to open an account, and if your money is in the bank, you’re less likely to ​ (a)   it on an impulsive purchase.

• waste
• designate
• need
• employ

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 2 and 3?

• After asking my parents to loan me the skateboard money, my dad told me no, and I said I would pay them back later.

  
  

• I asked my parents to loan me the skateboard money, saying I would pay them back later, but my dad told me no.

  
  

• I asked my parents to loan me the skateboard money, and I said I would pay them back later and my dad told me no.

  
  

• Although I asked my parents to loan me the skateboard money my dad told me no even though I said I would pay them back later.

  
  

What is the most effective transition to add to the beginning of sentence 12?

• In either case

• Correspondingly

• To put it differently

• Unfortunately

Sentence 20 is unclear. How should it be revised?

• Having my credit history included on the family credit report encouraged me to handle my card wisely.

  
  

• Because I had my credit history included on the family credit report, it was highly motivating to handle my card wisely.

  
  

• It became a primary goal of mine to handle my card wisely with the family credit report having my credit history included on it.

  
  

• I wanted to handle my card wisely with it including my credit history on the family credit report.

  
  

Veronica wants to add a call to action to the end of her essay. Which sentence should she insert after sentence 25 to provide an effective call to action?

• All parents should teach their children about establishing good credit.

  
  

• Teenagers often overspend before they head out into the workforce or off to college.

  
  

• All teens should take the simple steps necessary to begin building good credit.

  
  

• If I can earn better credit, I can do anything.

  
  

Clarity in writing means the writing is ​ ​ (a)   and ​ (b)   to understand. It also means the writer uses the correct words to express his or her ideas.

• clear
• easy
• unclear
• difficult

Coherence is a quality measured by how strongly an essay's ideas are ​ (a)   . In coherent writing, ideas are ​ (b)   to follow from begining to end.

• connected
• unrelated
• easy
• difficult

Read each pair of sentences. Then select the sentence that best combines them.

Theresa wants to see the Alamo whens he visits San Antonio. She wants to eat lunch along the River Walk.

• Theresa wants to see the Alamo and eat lunch along the River Walk when she visits them.

• Theresa wants to see the Alamo whens he visits San Antonio and eat lunch along the River Walk.

Abraham wants to combine the ideas in the following sentences. In the space provided, write a sentence that combines these ideas in a clear and effective way.

Many people tour San Antonio on bicycles. They can rent the bicycles from docking stations all over San Antonio.

Read each sentence. Then select the best revision.

Elephant tusks never stop growing, so a sign of an older elephant is larger tusks.

• So a sign of an elephant is larger tusks since older elephant tusks never stop growing.

• Elephant tusks never stop growing, so larger tusks are sign of an older elephant.