Revising: "Babysitting Pedro"

31. 31. Layla wants to replace the phrase think of in sentence 2. Which word would be MOST effective to use in this sentence?

• a. Scrutinize

• b. Divulge

• c. Contemplate

• d. Observe

32. 32. Combine the ideas in sentences 6 and 7 to create one clear and effective sentence.

1. 33. What revision, if any, is needed in sentence 16?

• a. Julian stood over his aunt’s stove, staring at the side of a box and struggling to decipher the precise order of operations required to make macaroni and cheese.

• b. Julian stood over his aunt’s stove, staring at the side of a box that struggled to decipher the precise order of operations to make macaroni and cheese and the requirements.

• c. Julian stood over his aunt’s stove, staring and struggling to decipher the precise order of operations that were required to make macaroni and cheese on the side of a box.

• d. No change is needed.

34. 34. What is the MOST effective revision to make in sentence 20?

• a. Though not fluent in toddler speak, Pedro detailed for Julian and described his latest trip with his mom to pick up his older siblings from school.

• 1. b. Julian could tell that Pedro was detailing his latest trip with his mom while picking up his older siblings from school, though not fluent in toddler speak.

• c. Though not fluent in toddler speak, Julian could tell that Pedro was detailing his latest trip with his mom to pick up his older siblings from school.

• d. Pedro was detailing for Julian his latest trip with his mom, which was to pick up his older siblings from school, though not fluent in toddler speak.

35. 35. Layla has included redundant information in sentence 37. What is the MOST effective way to revise this sentence?

• a. An hour later Julian was wiping off of Pedro, himself, the wall, and the floor the noodles and cheese sauce when his mother called.

• b. An hour later Julian was wiping noodles and cheese sauce off of Pedro and himself and the wall, and also the floor when his mother called.

• c. An hour later when his mother called, noodles and cheese sauce were being wiped off by Julian, himself, the wall, and the floor.

• d. An hour later when his mother called, Julian was wiping noodles and cheese sauce off of Pedro, himself, the wall, and the floor.

36. 36. Which sentence should replace sentence 44 to bring this story to a more effective and creative closing?

• 1. a. “Most likely,” answered Julian, who was thinking quietly about his aunt and little cousin.

• 1. b. “Without a doubt!” Julian replied with a smile as he wiped an errant noodle from the ceiling. 

• 1. c. “Maybe not!” countered Julian, but he noticed his mom was looking at him suspiciously. 

• 1. d. “We’ll see,” Julian responded, pondering a host of topic ideas that he could share with his mom.