Paper Rian Revising and Editing

Rian would like to improve his conclusion, so it ties the thoughts from the final paragraph to the whole paper. Which of the following is the BEST revision for sentence 20?

• Greek philosophers like Aristotle and Benjamin Franklin have helped us understand thunder.

• Now that we understand the scientific cause of thunder, it strikes us with awe and wonder.

• Thanks to Benjamin Franklin, we understand thunder and it fills us with awe and wonder.

• Even when we don’t fully understand its scientific cause, the sound of thunder still strikes us with awe and wonder.

What is the BEST way to revise sentence 3 to avoid repetition?

• Aristotle was a Greek philosopher who assumed, like other people, that thunder was caused by air smashing against clouds.

• The philosopher Aristotle and other Greek people assumed thunder was caused by air smashing against clouds.

• Aristotle and other Greek philosophers assumed thunder was caused by air smashing against clouds.

• Aristotle and other philosophers like Aristotle assumed thunder was caused by air smashing against clouds.

What is the BEST revision for sentences 13 and 14?

• The supercharged air expands outward, away from the lightning. Which is traveling at speeds over 3240 meters per second.

• Traveling at speeds over 3240 meters per second, the supercharged air expands outward, away from the lightning.

• The supercharged air expands outward, away from the lightning traveling at speeds over 3240 meters per second.

• The supercharged air it is expanding outward as it is traveling at speeds over 3240 meters per second.

What is the BEST revision for sentence 8?

• Due largely to Franklin’s research and writings, people began to think of thunder as related to lightning.

• Because Franklin was a researcher and writer, people began to think thunder was related to lightning.

• Thunder is related to lightning largely due to Franklin’s writings.

• People who did research on Benjamin Franklin began to think of thunder as related to lightning.

Sentence 6 includes a detail that is irrelevant to the paragraph. On the lines below, rewrite sentence 6 omitting the unnecessary information.

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