Editing and improving your FABULOUS writing!

Editing and improving your FABULOUS writing!

How can we make it even better with a few tweaks?

You need:

​- A partner

​- A whiteboard pen (Lottie hand out please)

​- A whiteboard (Dawud hand out please)

​- Your piece of paper with writing on from Wednesday

Multiple Choice

Look at this sentence|:

“I hope Sirius Black is caught soon!” bellowed Ron, the train was shaking.

Can you spot the mistake?

• There is a capital letter missing.

• There is missing punctuation

• A comma separates two main clauses (comma splice)

• The tenses used are not quite right.

Talking time....

​“I hope Sirius Black is caught soon!” bellowed Ron, the train was shaking.

​

​

​What do we really like?

What could we do instead?

Multiple Choice

Look at this sentence|:

“I hope Sirius Black was caught soon!” replied Ron, his eyes wide.

Can you spot the mistake?

• There is a capital letter missing.

• There is missing punctuation

• A comma separates two main clauses (comma splice)

• The tenses used are not quite right.

Talking time....

“I hope Sirius Black was caught soon!” replied Ron, his eyes wide.

​

​

​What do we really like?

What could we do instead?

Multiple Choice

Look at this sentence|:

The pewter mist smoothed around the carriage of the train.

Can you spot the mistake?

• There is missing punctuation

• A vocabulary choice isn't quite right.

• There is a missing capital letter

• The tenses used are not quite right.

Talking time....

The pewter mist smoothed around the carriage of the train.

​

​

​What do we really like?

What could we do instead?

Multiple Select

Look at this sentence|:

“Sirius Black is a wicked criminal!” hissed Ron his eyes widened.

Can you spot the mistake?

• There is missing punctuation

• A vocabulary choice isn't quite right.

• There is a missing word.

• There is a missing capital letter

Talking time....

“Sirius Black is a wicked criminal!” hissed Ron his eyes widened.

​

​

​What do we really like?

What could we do instead?

Multiple Choice

Look at this sentence|:

“Thanks Ron,” Harry barged in.

Can you spot the mistake?

• There is missing punctuation.

• A vocabulary choice isn't quite right.

• There is a missing word.

• There is a missing capital letter.

Talking time....

“Thanks Ron,” Harry barged in.

​

​

​What do we really like?

What could we do instead?

Multiple Choice

Look at this sentence|:

Shining like a beacon in the darkness the train light glowed against the charcoal sky.

Can you spot the mistake?

• There is missing punctuation.

• A vocabulary choice isn't quite right.

• There is a missing word.

• There is a missing capital letter.

Talking time....

Shining like a beacon in the darkness the train light glowed against the charcoal sky.

​

​What do we really like?

What could we do instead?

​Ron was scared.

​This sentence tells me Ron was scared.

​

​

​How can you show me Ron was scared?

​It was cold.

​This sentence tells it was cold.

​

​

​How can you show me it was cold?

​Remember:

​1. Dialogue (speech)

​

​2. Show don't tell (reactions / how they spoke)

​

​3. Action

​

​Repeat