SEL 4th session

Poll

“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them.” ~ Steve Maraboli

• agree

• disagree

• neutral

Open Ended

What does it mean to have a “victim mindset”?

​“victim mindset”
->means thinking that bad things happen to us and that we have little or no control over them. People with this mindset tend to see themselves as helpless, often blaming others or situations instead of taking charge.

Multiple Select

Situation: You did not understand the new skill after the teacher explained it.

Your reaction could be...?

• "The teacher didn't explain it well."

• "This is too hard. I can't understand it."

• "I'm just not smart enough."

• "I'll ask the teacher or my classmate to reexplain"

Poll

Have you ever used one or more of the following statements?

(you can choose as many as you want)

• "I can’t do it because they won’t let me."

• "Why should I even care if no one else does?"

• "Things will never change, so what's the point?"

• "He/She started it, so I just responded."

Poll

Situation: You get in trouble for talking during class.

Your response:...

• "It’s not my fault; my friend started talking to me!"

• "I could have stayed focused on the lesson and ignored the distraction."

• "He should get the punishment"

• "Teacher, you're overeating! It's not a big deal"

Open Ended

Are you sometimes a 'blamer' like Brene?

When something goes wrong, the first thing you wanna know is whose fault it is?

​Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain.

​It is the opposite of 'Accountability'

Multiple Choice

What does 'Accountability' mean?

• The capacity to avoid taking responsibility.

• the fact of being responsible for what you do and able to give a satisfactory reason for it

• The tendency to shift blame onto others.

​If someone uses these phrases most of the times, how do they prevent him/her from taking responsibility?
How do these statements shift the focus from the person’s own actions to someone else or external factors?

Blame shifts the focus from a person’s own actions to someone else or external factors because they place blame outside of themselves, allowing them to avoid examining their own choices/role in it.
By focusing on what someone else did, they’re effectively saying, “I don’t have any responsibility here, and it’s someone else’s job to fix this.”

When someone says, “It’s his fault!” for example, they aren’t considering how their own actions might have contributed to the issue, or what they could do differently to change the outcome.
->prevents personal growth, as they miss out on the opportunity to learn from their experiences. Taking responsibility involves looking honestly at oneself and asking questions like, “What could I have done better?” or “What is within my control to change?”

Poll

Situation: You’re late to school because you overslept.

• "It’s my parents’ fault for not waking me up on time."

• "I should have set multiple alarms to ensure I woke up on time."

• "I understand if there are any consequences for being late."

• "It's not a big deal. I'm only a few minutes late."

Poll

If you want inner peace, cultivating the habit of personal responsibility is vital. I love how Iyanla Vanzant puts it:

“One of the greatest challenges in creating a joyful, peaceful and abundant life is taking responsibility for what you do and how you do it. As long as you can blame someone else, be angry with someone else, point a finger at someone else, you are not taking responsibility for your life.” 

• I highly agree and find this interesting

• I partially agree

• okay, maybe

• I literally couldn't care less

​Taking personal responsibility is a habit you can cultivate over time.
It’s like a muscle memory. You do it often enough, it will become automatic.
So it’s up to you to decide. What kind of person do you want to be?
If taking responsibility is important to you, start with these suggestions…

Poll

Before responding, I honestly ask myself, “What part did I play in this situation? How did I make it worse? How could I have made it better?”

• I do that most of the time

• I do that sometimes

• No, I respond immediately without assessing the situation

Poll

You’re not perfect, so give yourself some slack and avoid becoming defensive and prickly, when others point out your “faults”. Accept it with grace and humor. And give others some slack too.

• agree

• partially agree

• sounds nonsense to me

Poll

Sincerely apologize for your actions or your lack of actions.

• I do that most of the time

• I do that sometimes

• could never be me

Open Ended

What matters to you when someone is apologizing to you?

What makes a good apology?

Multiple Choice

Which apology seems better to you?

1. "I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings"

2. "I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings"

• 1.

• 2.

​A good apology = MOFL

What does MOFL stand for???

Poll

Do you think following 'MOFL' strategy in your apology is effective?

• yes

• no

• u

​-M= mean it
-O= own it -> take responsibility for what you did. Rather than saying 'mistakes were made', you should say 'I made a mistake.'
-F= fix it -->try to make amends. See if there's anything you can do to fix or remedy the situation
-L= let it go --> It's important to remember that sometimes people aren't ready to forgive. Maybe they're still upset about what happened even if they aren't mad at you. Let the person come to forgiveness when and if they're ready.

Multiple Choice

'You borrowed a book from a friend, and you accidentally spilled milk on some of the pages.'

• 'I spilled milk on your book. I'm really sorry. I'll save up to get you a new one.'

• 'Milk spilled on your books. sorry'

Multiple Choice

Somebody in your class is drawing a picture, you walk over and you bump into her so she messes up. She says, "hey! You messed up my drawing!"

You say, "sorry" and you keep walking.

• MOFL

• Awful

Multiple Choice

Somebody in your class is drawing a picture, you walk over and you bump into her so she messes up. She says, "hey! You messed up my drawing!"

You say, "sorry, I just needed to get by."

• MOFL

• Awful

Multiple Choice

Somebody in your class is drawing a picture, you walk over and you bump into her so she messes up. She says, "hey! You messed up my drawing!"

You say, "Oh, no! I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Can I help you fix it? I'm really sorry."

• MOFL

• Awful

Multiple Choice

Somebody in your class is drawing a picture, you walk over and you bump into her so she messes up. She says, "hey! You messed up my drawing!"

You say, "Oh, no! I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Can I help you fix it? I'm really sorry. Do you forgive me? You have to forgive me! I said that I was sorry! Tell me that it's okay!"

• MOFL

• Awful

Multiple Choice

Why is it important to apologize to someone?

• A.) Apologizing lets them know your sorry

• B.) Apologizing lets them know you care

• C.) Apologizing accepts you did something wrong

• D.) All of the above

Multiple Choice

Which is an example of a correct apology?

• A.) “I’m sorry you got upset about what I said the other day”

• B.) “I don't feel bad for what I did because you deserved it”

• C.) “I know you want me to apologize, so I’m sorry”

• D.) “I apologize for hurting your feelings and I feel really bad about it.