Revising

Revising Sentences

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1. Use a comma and FANBOYS to join two independent clauses.

Let's practice the following for a GRADE.

Multiple Choice

Which one uses a FANBOYS to combine the two sentences?

I am very smart. I do not enjoy school.

• I am very smart, but I do not enjoy school.

• I am very smart since I do not enjoy school.

Multiple Choice

Choose FANBOYS that agrees with the meaning of the two sentences.

Susan is going to the mall. She is going to the movies.

• Susan is going to the mall, and she is going to the movies.

• Susan is going to the mall, yet she is going to the mall.

• Susan is going to the mall, but she is going to the mall.

• Susan is going to the mall, for she is going to the mall.

Multiple Choice

Becky wishes she could be younger. Everyone else in the program is half her age.

• Becky wishes she could be younger, and everyone else in the program is half her age.

• Becky wishes she could be younger, for everyone else in the program is half her age.

2. Turn one sentence into a subordinate clause.

I will attend your graduation. I have the day off from work.

2. Turn one sentence into a subordinate clause.

• I will attend your graduation. I have the day off from work.

• I will attend your graduation since I have the day off from work.

• Your turn.

Multiple Choice

Choose the correct sentence that uses the subordinating conjunction is the correct context.

Prices go up. Customers buy fewer products.

• Why prices go up, customers buy fewer products.

• Whenever prices go up, customers buy fewer products.

• Until prices go up, customers buy fewer products.

Multiple Choice

Choose the correct sentence that uses the subordinating conjunction is the correct context.

My friends begged me. I chose not to go to the reunion.

• And my friends begged me, I chose not to go to the reunion.

• Whereas my friends begged me, I chose not to go to the reunion.

• Although my friends begged me, I chose not to go to the reunion.

3. Turn one sentence into a phrase.

• Sara will bake the cookies. You must add the flour first.

• TO convert the 1st sentence into a phrase drop the subject and use TO + VERB

• To bake the cookies, you must add the flour first.

3. Turn one sentence into a phrase.

• Sara will bake the cookies. You must add the flour first.

• To convert the 1st sentence into a phrase add -ing ending to the VERB.

• Baking the cookies, you must add the flour first.

• Your turn!

Multiple Choice

Choose the sentence with the phrase.

The pandemic shut down all schools and sent students home. They resumed their studies from there.

• The pandemic shut down all schools and sent students home to resume their studies from their.

• The pandemic shut down all schools and sent students home where they resumed their studies from their.

Multiple Select

They prepared for the STAAR. Andrew and Jennifer began a study group.

Which two sentences are correct?

• To prepare for the STAAR, Andrew and Jennifer began a study group.

• To prepare for the STAAR. Andrew and Jennifer beginning a study group.

• Preparing for the STAAR, Andrew and Jennifer began a study group.

REVISING AN ESSAY:

When revising your essay, you are changing the meaning or way in which the reader perceives, experiences and interprets it.

This can be accomplished by:

• Adding – sentences and words

• Removing – words or sentences you don’t need

• Moving – change a word or placement of a sentence

• Substituting – trade words or sentences for new ones

Revising includes:

• Adding new thoughts

• Clarifying existing thoughts

• Choosing more descriptive words

• Improving overall clarity of ideas presented

• Adding more detail

• Eliminating unnecessary elements

REVISING PRACTICE

DIRECTIONS: Read the selection and choose the best answer to each question.

J.T. wrote this paper about a unique Japanese activity. Read the paper and look for any revisions J.T. should make. Then answer the questions that follow.You

Multiple Choice

(10) There are no musical cues for the students to use as they march in the changing formations. (11) Furthermore, they walk in perfect step by following the direction of an announcer. (12) Directors bellow loud, sharp commands, such as “Front row, turn left!” and “Cross walk,” over a loudspeaker.

2.) J.T. wants to use a more appropriate transition in sentence 11.

Which of the following can best replace Furthermore in this sentence?

• F. For example

• G. In conclusion

• H. Overall

• J. Instead

Multiple Choice

(15) A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display that is visible.

3.) What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 15?

• A. A misstep by just one student and a flaw is created that is visible in the perfectly coordinated display.

• B. A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw in the perfectly coordinated display.

• C. A misstep by just one student creates a flaw in the perfectly coordinated display, the flaw is visible.

• D. A misstep by just one student creates a visible flaw that can be seen in the perfectly coordinated display.

Multiple Choice

6.) What is the most effective way to combine sentences 8 and 9?

(8) Bottled water may be attractively packaged. (9) It is simply processed tap water.

• F. Bottled water may be attractively packaged, but it is simply processed tap water.

• G. Bottled water is simply processed tap water because it is attractively packaged.

• H. Bottled water may be attractively packaged, so it is simply processed tap water.

• J. Bottled water is attractively packaged, because it is simply processed tap water

Multiple Choice

(21) Also consider that chemicals are released by these many bottles when they are discarded into landfills over hundreds of years and decompose.

8.) What is the most effective way to revise sentence 21?

• F. Also consider that many bottles are discarded into landfills, where the bottles release chemicals as they decompose over hundreds of years.

• G. Also consider that landfills are filled with released chemicals, where they decompose many discarded bottles over hundreds of years.

• H. These bottles, decomposing over hundreds of years, should also be considered to release chemicals where they have been discarded into landfills.

• J. Over hundreds of years, landfills are filled with many bottles, and it should also be considered that the bottles decompose and release chemicals.

The End