MISSION 4: REVISE L3

(1) When someone does something nice for you, you probably want to pay that person back. (2) But some people choose to do something different. (3) They’re paying it forward! (4) In the process they hope to become part of a chain of good deeds that will grow and grow.

Derrick wants to further develop the central idea of this paper by adding a detail after sentence 3. Which of these sentences could BEST follow and support sentence 3?

• A Pay it forward today if you have an opportunity to do this.

• B That means they’re doing something nice by helping another person who may be in need.

• C This is different and not the same as paying someone back.

• D I had a friend who helped me when I had to clean out my garage.

(9) He told the man that he didn’t want to be paid back. (10) As a result, he wanted the man to help someone who needed money in the future.

Use a more effective transition at the beginning of sentence 10. Change As a result to —

• F To conclude

• G For example

• H Instead

• J In other words

(18) Sometimes it might go on for several cars. (19) In 2003, at a drive-through coffee shop, the customers set a record and in Connecticut. (20) More than 1,000 drivers in a row paid for the order of the car behind them!

What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 19?

• A In 2003 the customers set a record in Connecticut, and it was at a drive-through coffee shop, which was there.

• B In 2003 the customers at a drive-through coffee shop in Connecticut set a record.

• C In 2003, at a drive-through coffee shop, the customers set a record it was in Connecticut.

• D In 2003 there were customers at a drive-through coffee shop in Connecticut that set a record at the shop.

(19) In 2003, at a drive-through coffee shop, the customers set a record and in Connecticut. (20) More than 1,000 drivers in a row paid for the order of the car behind them! (21) So if you receive a random act of kindness one day, I’m sure you’ll know exactly what to do.

Derrick’s paper ends abruptly. Which sentence can be added to the end of this paper to close it more effectively?

• F It’s nice!

• G I sure would!

• H Say thanks!

• J Pay it forward!

(8) He had seen other campers rappelling down the side of it. (9) It looked so cool—but so scary at the same time! (10) Jared wanted to do it, and it was to rappel.

Which of the following is the BEST replacement for sentence 10?

• A Being at camp had been a wonderful experience for Jared and the other kids.

• B Jared was sometimes a little afraid to do things he had never done before.

• C Today was Jared’s last chance to overcome his fear and give rappelling a try.

• D Even though the others had been rappelling down the side of the cliff, Jared didn’t want to.

(11) Now Jared was hooked up to a rope by a complicated mass of straps. (12) He was at the top of the cliff with him, saying something about how strong the rope was. (13) He explained that Jared didn’t need to be afraid because the rope and straps would hold an elephant.

The meaning of sentence 12 is unclear. What change can Claire make to improve the clarity of this sentence?

• F Change He to Another counselor

• G Change cliff to spot

• H Change him to them

• J Change the rope to it

(14) “Nice to know,” Jared said. (15) At the bottom of the cliff, Andrea was also connected to the rope. (16) It was time.

Which of these sentences can BEST follow and support sentence 15?

• A She would help keep the rope tight and make sure Jared was safe coming down.

• B Andrea had been such a good friend, and looking down at her right now made Jared think of all the fun they had had.

• C Jared was feeling great and stepped back from the cliff to look around at all the beautiful scenery.

• D Andrea was right there, connected to the rope that Jared was connected to at the bottom of the cliff.

(23) Jared was actually rappelling! (24) He made his way steadily down. (25) A grin began to spread over his face. (26) He went faster and faster until his last step was more like a jump.

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 24 and 25?

• F Since he made his way steadily down with a grin, it began to spread over his face.

• G He made his way steadily down because a grin began to spread over his face.

• H As he made his way steadily down, a grin began to spread over his face.

• J He made his way steadily down a grin began to spread over his face.

(16) It was time. (17) “Now or never,” Jared thought. (18) Keeping his eyes on the counselor at the top, he slowly leaned back. (19) He felt the strong, straight rope in his hands. (20) Jared gripped it tightly and leaned out as far as he could stretch. (21) Step, step, step—his feet took turns creeping down the side of the cliff. (22) He was doing it! (23) Jared was actually rappelling! (24) He made his way steadily down.

Where is the BEST place to insert this sentence?

With trembling legs, he took his first step.

• A After sentence 19

• B After sentence 20

• C After sentence 21

• D After sentence 26