Revising

(1) That day started out like almost every other day that summer. (2) Right after breakfast I trotted down the street to Dennis Rand’s house to see what he wanted to do. (3) The weather was warm and sunny. (4) He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond. (5) Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department. (6) He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch. (7) All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners. (8) Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods. (9) Then, when I looked up, I spotted something in the water. (10) I’m not sure how I knew, but I realized immediately that it was a child floating in the pond! (11) Without thinking, I dropped my fishing pole and dove into the water. (12) Dennis thought I was some kind of a nut for diving into that puddle of muck, but he forgot all about that when I came wading out holding a little girl in my arms. (13) I didn’t really know how to take care of a toddler, so I was glad when I saw some adults come running out of the woods by the nature trail. (14) “Lucy!” cried the man, glaring at me as he roughly took the girl from my arms. (15) “What are you doing?” he asked indignantly. (16) I was dripping with water and too surprised to respond, I just stood there. (17) But Dennis came to my rescue. (18) “Your kid fell into the pond, and he just saved that girl’s life!” cried Dennis. (19) “You should be thanking him!” (20) “Oh,” said the man rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” (21) The man, whose name was Mr. Rollins, did thank me. (22) His wife thanked me, too, when she found out what had happened. (23) Later that day, two newspaper reporters came and interviewed me, and I got my picture in the paper. (24) So, I didn’t catch any decent fish that day, but I did manage to reel in something else—and that made me feel pretty good.

What kind of passage is this?

• interpretive response to literature

• expository

• personal narrative

• argumentative

(1) That day started out like almost every other day that summer. (2) Right after breakfast I trotted down the street to Dennis Rand’s house to see what he wanted to do. (3) The weather was warm and sunny. (4) He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond. (5) Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department. (6) He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch. (7) All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners. (8) Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods. (9) Then, when I looked up, I spotted something in the water. (10) I’m not sure how I knew, but I realized immediately that it was a child floating in the pond! (11) Without thinking, I dropped my fishing pole and dove into the water. (12) Dennis thought I was some kind of a nut for diving into that puddle of muck, but he forgot all about that when I came wading out holding a little girl in my arms. (13) I didn’t really know how to take care of a toddler, so I was glad when I saw some adults come running out of the woods by the nature trail. (14) “Lucy!” cried the man, glaring at me as he roughly took the girl from my arms. (15) “What are you doing?” he asked indignantly. (16) I was dripping with water and too surprised to respond, I just stood there. (17) But Dennis came to my rescue. (18) “Your kid fell into the pond, and he just saved that girl’s life!” cried Dennis. (19) “You should be thanking him!” (20) “Oh,” said the man rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” (21) The man, whose name was Mr. Rollins, did thank me. (22) His wife thanked me, too, when she found out what had happened. (23) Later that day, two newspaper reporters came and interviewed me, and I got my picture in the paper. (24) So, I didn’t catch any decent fish that day, but I did manage to reel in something else—and that made me feel pretty good.

What pattern of organization did the writer use in this passage?

• comparison and contrast

• order of importance

• classification

• chronological order

(1) That day started out like almost every other day that summer. (2) Right after breakfast I trotted down the street to Dennis Rand’s house to see what he wanted to do. (3) The weather was warm and sunny. (4) He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond. (5) Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department. (6) He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch. (7) All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners. (8) Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods. (9) Then, when I looked up, I spotted something in the water. (10) I’m not sure how I knew, but I realized immediately that it was a child floating in the pond! (11) Without thinking, I dropped my fishing pole and dove into the water. (12) Dennis thought I was some kind of a nut for diving into that puddle of muck, but he forgot all about that when I came wading out holding a little girl in my arms. (13) I didn’t really know how to take care of a toddler, so I was glad when I saw some adults come running out of the woods by the nature trail. (14) “Lucy!” cried the man, glaring at me as he roughly took the girl from my arms. (15) “What are you doing?” he asked indignantly. (16) I was dripping with water and too surprised to respond, I just stood there. (17) But Dennis came to my rescue. (18) “Your kid fell into the pond, and he just saved that girl’s life!” cried Dennis. (19) “You should be thanking him!” (20) “Oh,” said the man rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” (21) The man, whose name was Mr. Rollins, did thank me. (22) His wife thanked me, too, when she found out what had happened. (23) Later that day, two newspaper reporters came and interviewed me, and I got my picture in the paper. (24) So, I didn’t catch any decent fish that day, but I did manage to reel in something else—and that made me feel pretty good.

What is the best way to combine sentences 3 and 4?

• The weather was warm and sunny, but he and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond.

• Although the weather was warm and sunny, we decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond.

• The weather was warm and sunny, so we decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond.

• He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond, and the weather was warm and sunny.

(1) That day started out like almost every other day that summer. (2) Right after breakfast I trotted down the street to Dennis Rand’s house to see what he wanted to do. (3) The weather was warm and sunny. (4) He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond. (5) Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department. (6) He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch. (7) All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners. (8) Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods. (9) Then, when I looked up, I spotted something in the water. (10) I’m not sure how I knew, but I realized immediately that it was a child floating in the pond! (11) Without thinking, I dropped my fishing pole and dove into the water. (12) Dennis thought I was some kind of a nut for diving into that puddle of muck, but he forgot all about that when I came wading out holding a little girl in my arms. (13) I didn’t really know how to take care of a toddler, so I was glad when I saw some adults come running out of the woods by the nature trail. (14) “Lucy!” cried the man, glaring at me as he roughly took the girl from my arms. (15) “What are you doing?” he asked indignantly. (16) I was dripping with water and too surprised to respond, I just stood there. (17) But Dennis came to my rescue. (18) “Your kid fell into the pond, and he just saved that girl’s life!” cried Dennis. (19) “You should be thanking him!” (20) “Oh,” said the man rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” (21) The man, whose name was Mr. Rollins, did thank me. (22) His wife thanked me, too, when she found out what had happened. (23) Later that day, two newspaper reporters came and interviewed me, and I got my picture in the paper. (24) So, I didn’t catch any decent fish that day, but I did manage to reel in something else—and that made me feel pretty good.

In the second paragraph, which is the topic sentence?

• Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department.

• He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch.

• All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners.

• Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods.

(1) That day started out like almost every other day that summer. (2) Right after breakfast I trotted down the street to Dennis Rand’s house to see what he wanted to do. (3) The weather was warm and sunny. (4) He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond. (5) Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department. (6) He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch. (7) All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners. (8) Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods. (9) Then, when I looked up, I spotted something in the water. (10) I’m not sure how I knew, but I realized immediately that it was a child floating in the pond! (11) Without thinking, I dropped my fishing pole and dove into the water. (12) Dennis thought I was some kind of a nut for diving into that puddle of muck, but he forgot all about that when I came wading out holding a little girl in my arms. (13) I didn’t really know how to take care of a toddler, so I was glad when I saw some adults come running out of the woods by the nature trail. (14) “Lucy!” cried the man, glaring at me as he roughly took the girl from my arms. (15) “What are you doing?” he asked indignantly. (16) I was dripping with water and too surprised to respond, I just stood there. (17) But Dennis came to my rescue. (18) “Your kid fell into the pond, and he just saved that girl’s life!” cried Dennis. (19) “You should be thanking him!” (20) “Oh,” said the man rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” (21) The man, whose name was Mr. Rollins, did thank me. (22) His wife thanked me, too, when she found out what had happened. (23) Later that day, two newspaper reporters came and interviewed me, and I got my picture in the paper. (24) So, I didn’t catch any decent fish that day, but I did manage to reel in something else—and that made me feel pretty good.

Which detail could best be added after sentence 12?

• Immediately, I looked around the shore, wondering where my fishing pole had fallen.

• The girl, coughed once or twice and spit up some water, and then she started crying.

• Some children wear pink or blue outfits, but this one was wearing a light green jumpsuit.

• The fishing wasn't very good that day anyway.

(1) That day started out like almost every other day that summer. (2) Right after breakfast I trotted down the street to Dennis Rand’s house to see what he wanted to do. (3) The weather was warm and sunny. (4) He and I decided to go fishing at Greenleaf Pond. (5) Dennis had more luck than I did that day, at least in the fishing department. (6) He caught a couple of sunfish, which I always called kibbies or pumpkinseeds, and three yellow perch. (7) All I caught was a couple of scrawny shiners. (8) Just as we were getting kind of drowsy and a little hungry for lunch, I heard voices somewhere behind me in the woods. (9) Then, when I looked up, I spotted something in the water. (10) I’m not sure how I knew, but I realized immediately that it was a child floating in the pond! (11) Without thinking, I dropped my fishing pole and dove into the water. (12) Dennis thought I was some kind of a nut for diving into that puddle of muck, but he forgot all about that when I came wading out holding a little girl in my arms. (13) I didn’t really know how to take care of a toddler, so I was glad when I saw some adults come running out of the woods by the nature trail. (14) “Lucy!” cried the man, glaring at me as he roughly took the girl from my arms. (15) “What are you doing?” he asked indignantly. (16) I was dripping with water and too surprised to respond, I just stood there. (17) But Dennis came to my rescue. (18) “Your kid fell into the pond, and he just saved that girl’s life!” cried Dennis. (19) “You should be thanking him!” (20) “Oh,” said the man rather sheepishly, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” (21) The man, whose name was Mr. Rollins, did thank me. (22) His wife thanked me, too, when she found out what had happened. (23) Later that day, two newspaper reporters came and interviewed me, and I got my picture in the paper. (24) So, I didn’t catch any decent fish that day, but I did manage to reel in something else—and that made me feel pretty good.

WWhich word or phrase could best be added at the beginning of sentence 16 to link it to the preceding paragraph?

• Nevertheless,

• Though

• Since

• As a result,

1) In Florida, laws have been passed to protect the state’s mangrove forests. (2) Mangroves grow by the coast. (3) The trees’ unique appearance is due to large roots that give them the appearance of standing or walking on the water. (4) Mangrove trees have been nicknamed “walking trees.” (5) That’s pretty spooky to think about! (6) The trees’ large, tangled roots slow the movement of the water. (7) Helping to prevent erosion. (8) Moreover, the roots trap mud and sediment. (9) Instead of washing out to sea, the trapped sediment builds up. (10) The buildup of sediment actually helps to create new land along the shoreline. (11) The trees’ roots are beneficial to wildlife, too. (12) The trees’ branches provide safe nesting areas for shore birds. (13) Mangroves are valuable resources. (14) They deserve to be safeguarded.

What kind of a passage is this?

• expository

• interpretive response to literature

• argumentative

• personal narrative

1) In Florida, laws have been passed to protect the state’s mangrove forests. (2) Mangroves grow by the coast. (3) The trees’ unique appearance is due to large roots that give them the appearance of standing or walking on the water. (4) Mangrove trees have been nicknamed “walking trees.” (5) That’s pretty spooky to think about! (6) The trees’ large, tangled roots slow the movement of the water. (7) Helping to prevent erosion. (8) Moreover, the roots trap mud and sediment. (9) Instead of washing out to sea, the trapped sediment builds up. (10) The buildup of sediment actually helps to create new land along the shoreline. (11) The trees’ roots are beneficial to wildlife, too. (12) The trees’ branches provide safe nesting areas for shore birds. (13) Mangroves are valuable resources. (14) They deserve to be safeguarded.

Which sentence is inappropriate and should be removed from this passage?

• In Florida, laws have been passed to protect the state's mangrove forests.

• That's pretty spooky to think about!

• The buildup of sediment actually helps to create a new land along the shoreline.

• Mangroves are valuable resources.

1) In Florida, laws have been passed to protect the state’s mangrove forests. (2) Mangroves grow by the coast. (3) The trees’ unique appearance is due to large roots that give them the appearance of standing or walking on the water. (4) Mangrove trees have been nicknamed “walking trees.” (5) That’s pretty spooky to think about! (6) The trees’ large, tangled roots slow the movement of the water. (7) Helping to prevent erosion. (8) Moreover, the roots trap mud and sediment. (9) Instead of washing out to sea, the trapped sediment builds up. (10) The buildup of sediment actually helps to create new land along the shoreline. (11) The trees’ roots are beneficial to wildlife, too. (12) The trees’ branches provide safe nesting areas for shore birds. (13) Mangroves are valuable resources. (14) They deserve to be safeguarded.

Which would be the best word or phrase to insert at the beginning of sentence 4 to link it to sentence 3?

• Meanwhile

• On the other hand,

• Moreover,

• For this reason,

1) In Florida, laws have been passed to protect the state’s mangrove forests. (2) Mangroves grow by the coast. (3) The trees’ unique appearance is due to large roots that give them the appearance of standing or walking on the water. (4) Mangrove trees have been nicknamed “walking trees.” (5) That’s pretty spooky to think about! (6) The trees’ large, tangled roots slow the movement of the water. (7) Helping to prevent erosion. (8) Moreover, the roots trap mud and sediment. (9) Instead of washing out to sea, the trapped sediment builds up. (10) The buildup of sediment actually helps to create new land along the shoreline. (11) The trees’ roots are beneficial to wildlife, too. (12) The trees’ branches provide safe nesting areas for shore birds. (13) Mangroves are valuable resources. (14) They deserve to be safeguarded.

Which is a sentence fragment and should be rewritten or combined with another sentence?

• The trees' large, tangled roots slow the movement of the water.

• Helping to prevent erosion.

• Moreover, the roots trap mud and sediment.

• They deserve to be safeguarded.