Dec 3 Parent Coffee Morning Quiz

What’s the best predictor of academic success?

• IQ

• Self-control

• Grades

Answer explanation

Impulse control is part of a suite of brain behaviors called executive function. Executive function relies on a child’s ability to filter out distractions. Children who are able to stay focused do better in school.

Emotional regulation — reining in impulses — predicts better cognitive performance?

What is the single most important thing the brain requires to be able to learn?

• A stimulating environment

• Teachers with exceptional Theory of Mind (relational) skills

• A feeling of safety

Answer explanation

The brain’s primary interest is survival. That overshadows all other concerns.

Empathy powerful at reducing intense emotional situations because:

• When the brain perceives empathy, the body begins to relax. The vagus nerve is involved in the process.

• Showing that you care creates an environment of safety, the brain’s No. 1 concern.

• The child knows he is misbehaving, and an empathetic reaction surprises him, refocusing his attention.

Empathy is a key relationship skill that, regularly practiced, makes for better friendships, teamwork, marriages and parenting. What’s the best way to show empathy?

• Be a good listener. Make soothing noises (“Mm-hmmm.” “Aww.”).

• Describe aloud the emotion you think you see. Take a guess as to where that emotion came from.

• Tell a long story about how that once happened to you, too.

Answer explanation

Researchers defined the empathy reflex while attempting to socialize high-functioning autistic children. These two steps are surprisingly simple and surprisingly effective.

What will give your child his or her best chance at happiness?

• Having close friends.

• Finding a satisfying career.

• Living according to his or her values.

Answer explanation

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has been going since 1937, is probably the most thorough research of its type ever attempted. Its question: "What constitutes the good life?" Its finding: Successful friendships, the messy bridges that connect friends and family, are what predict people’s happiness as they hurtle through life. Friendships are a better predictor than any other single variable. By the time a person reaches middle age, friendships are the only predictor.

True or false: One good way to boost your child’s braininess is to regularly challenge him with academic exercises far outside his ability, then give approval only for the most obvious successes.

• True

• False

Answer explanation

This behavior falls under hyperparenting, and it’s more serious than you might expect. Pushy parents often become disappointed, displeased, or angry when their kids don’t perform — reactions children can detect at an astonishingly young age and want desperately to avoid. This loss of control is toxic. It can create a psychological state called learned helplessness, which can physically damage a child’s brain. Learned helplessness is a gateway to depression. Extreme pressure from you can also extinguish your child’s curiosity and stunt higher-level thinking. Making sure your child is appropriately challenged is one thing. But don’t be a hyperparent.

Which parenting style is statistically likely to produce successful kids?

• Kids need to be controlled, maybe a little fearful of their parents, and they’ll become respectful adults.

• Love, love and more love. Avoid confrontation where you can.

• Be demanding. At the same time, project warmth.

• As long as you provide food and a roof over their heads, let them fend for themselves. That’s how they’ll learn.

Answer explanation

In a massive 1994 study, researchers were able to predict how kids would turn out based solely on parenting behavior. Only one parenting style produced the best kids. These parents are demanding but care a great deal about their kids. They explain their rules and encourage their children to state their reactions to them. They encourage high levels of independence, yet see that children comply with family values. These parents tend to have terrific communication skills with their children.

You’re trying to shape your child’s moral behavior. What’s one of the best tricks you can use to increase compliance with your commands?

• Consistently punish bad behavior.

• Explain the reasoning behind your rules.

• Bribery. Hey, it works.

Answer explanation

Swift punishment for violating clear, consistent rules is a key element of discipline. But explaining those rules in the first place is like magic. It makes any punishment more effective, long-lasting and internalized.

Here’s an example. Without rationale: “Don’t touch the dog, or you’ll get a timeout.” With rationale: “Don’t touch the dog, or you’ll get a timeout. The dog has a bad temper, and I don’t want you to get bitten.”

Compliance rates soar, researchers have found, when some kind of cognitive rationale is given to a child (or adult, for that matter).

What’s the No. 1 factor that predicts how your child will turn out?

• Providing a loving household.

• How perfect a parent you are.

• How you deal with your child’s intense emotions.

Answer explanation

Emotional regulation is key not only for social competency but for cognition as well, from strong executive function to decision-making. How (or if) your child learns to regulate her emotions depends on how you react to those emotions. Three of the most important things parents can practice: Noticing your child’s emotions, acknowledging them without judgment, and empathizing with them.

This does not mean setting no behavioral boundaries, however. The most successful parents have a powerful empathy reflex within the context of clear, unambiguous rules.