10. Forgiveness and Spirituality

What is Forgiveness?

• 1) The reduction in vengeful and angry thoughts, and feelings.

  2) Motives that may be accompanied by an increase in some form of positive thoughts, feelings, and motives toward the offending person.

• •Impunity

  •Pardon

  •Tolerance

  •Reconciliation

  •Defend

  •Excuse

What is NOT Forgiveness?

• 1) The reduction in vengeful and angry thoughts, and feelings.

  2) Motives that may be accompanied by an increase in some form of positive thoughts, feelings, and motives toward the offending person.

• •Impunity

  •Pardon

  •Tolerance

  •Reconciliation

  •Defend

  •Excuse

Defining forgiveness:

•Forgiveness is a freeing from a negative attachment to the source that has transgressed against a person.

•Most inclusive definition (forgiveness target: oneself, another person, situation).

• Thompson & Colleagues, 2005

• McCullough & Colleagues; 2000,1998

• Enright & colleagues; 2000, 1998

• Tangney & colleagues; 1999

Defining forgiveness:

•Forgiveness is freeing from a negative attachment to the source that has transgressed against a person.

•Most inclusive definition (forgiveness target: oneself, another person, situation).

• Thompson & Colleagues, 2005

• McCullough & Colleagues; 2000,1998

• Enright & colleagues; 2000, 1998

• Tangney & colleagues; 1999

Defining forgiveness:

•The scholar with the longest track record in studying forgiveness.

•A willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly hurt us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even loves toward him or her.

•Crucial point; a person must develop a benevolent relationship with the transgressor.

•Cannot be directed toward a situation.

• Thompson & Colleagues, 2005

• McCullough & Colleagues; 2000,1998

• Enright & colleagues; 2000, 1998

• Tangney & colleagues; 1999

•Forgiveness reflects;

•(1) cognitive-affective transformation following a transgression in which

•(2) the victim makes a realistic assessment of the harm done and acknowledges the perpetrator’s responsibility, but

•(3) freely chooses to “cancel the debt” giving up the need for revenge or deserved punishments. This canceling of the debt also involves

•(4) a “cancellation of negative emotions” directly related to the transgression. In forgiving, the victim overcomes their feelings of resentment and anger. Therefore, by forgiving, the harmed individual essentially removes themselves from the victim role.

•Crux of definition; giving up of the negative emotion.

• Thompson & Colleagues, 2005

• McCullough & Colleagues; 2000,1998

• Enright & colleagues; 2000, 1998

• Tangney & colleagues; 1999

Measuring forgiveness

• Thompson et al (2005) – heartland forgiveness scale (HFS)

• Mccullough et al (1998) – transgression-related interpersonal motivations inventory (TRIM)

• Enright:

  I.Enright forgiveness inventory (1995)

  II.Willingness to forgive scale (1993)

• Tangney et al (1999) – multidimensional forgiveness inventory

Positive Cognition: AIM Model

• Attention

  •Seeing the positive & beauty

• Interpretation

  •Not putting a negative spin on too many things

• Memory

  •Savoring rather than ruminating

If you are contemplating forgiving a person who is no longer alive, or if you cannot locate him or her, use a technique from gestalt therapy. In this technique, called the "______________________________," one sits facing an empty chair. Then, one imagines the target person sitting in that chair and speaks to the person as though he or she were there. Occasionally, we may want to forgive ourselves for some transgression that ended up causing us personal harm. The empty chair exercise is a good one for addressing oneself. You can also write yourself a letter and mail it to yourself.

• empty chair exercise

• Not empty chair exercise

•Eg; couplesà done wrong

•Forgiveness model – EVERETT WORTHINGTON (virginnia commonwealth university)

•Worthington – REACH model of forgiveness. (1998, 2000, 2002)

•Recall the hurt and the nature of the injury caused

•Promote Empathy in both partners;

•Altruistically give the gift of forgiveness between partners,

•Commit verbally to forgive the partner,

•And Hold onto the forgiveness for each other.

• •Forgiving Another Person

• •Forgiving Oneself

• •Forgiveness of a Situation