Rewriting Sentences in a Clear and Effective Way

Deshawna is evaluating the use of muggy, breezy, and hot in her description of the weather in the first paragraph (sentences 1-10).  What is the most effective way for her to improve her paragraph?

• A.  Delete sentence 9
• B.  Delete sentence 10
• C.  Combine sentences 2-4
• D.  Change warm and windy to hot and breezy in sentence 10

What is the most effective way for Deshawna to revise sentence 14 so that its idea is clear?

• F.  Nichelle used her fishing pole to catch a couple of "keepers"; she tossed them back.
• G.  Nichelle caught a couple of "keepers," fish that were big enough for her to keep legally, but she tossed them back.
• H.  All Nichelle caught that whole hot and humid morning were a couple of "keepers" that she tossed back.
• J.  All Nichelle did was fish and complain about the heat, but she caught a couple of "keepers" that she tossed back.

Deshawna thinks that sentences 16, 17, and 18 sound choppy.  What is the most effective way for her to rewrite them?

• A.  It looked huge, bumpy, and sort of grey.
• B.  Because it looked huge and bumpy, it looked sort of grey.
• C.  Although it looked huge and bumpy, it also looked sort of grey.
• D.  It looked huge; it looked bumpy; it looked sort of grey.

Deshawna's audience may be confused by the dialogue in sentences 19-24.  What change, if any, should she make?

• F.  Identify the speakers
• G.  Delete sentences 20-23
• H.  Move sentence 20 to the paragraph below
• J.  Make no change

What is the most effective way for Deshawna to improve the level of suspense in the seventh paragraph (sentences 25-28)?

• A.  Move sentence 27 so that it appears after sentence 28
• B.  Use more descriptive details in sentence 28 to show how dirty the pond is 
• C.  Add a scene in which Kim and Nichelle argue about whether to get into the water
• D.  Replace sentence 25 with a scary description of the strange object in the pond

Deshawna wants to use figurative language to describe Kim and the tent.  What is the most effective way for her to rewrite sentence 28?

• F.  Kim stood up a few minutes later, holding an old tent in one hand and wearing a big grin.
• G.  Kim stood up a few minutes later, holding an old tent in one hand, and Nichelle started laughing.
• H.  Kim stood up a few minutes later, holding an old tent in one hand, letting it dangle there like a prize-winning fish.
• J.  Kim stood up a few minutes later, holding an old tent in a really funny way.