The best way to apologize (according to science)

What is the main idea of the video?

• A. How to avoid apologizing

• B. The elements of a good apology

• C. Why people don’t like apologizing

• D. The history of public apologies

Answer explanation

Explanation: The video focuses on explaining what makes a good apology, rather than just listing bad ones or only discussing public apologies.

"But researchers have found that good apologies generally share certain elements..." (0:21–0:26)

According to the video, what is the 'centerpiece of an apology'?

• A. Making yourself feel better

• B. Avoiding responsibility

• C. Understanding and accepting responsibility

• D. Asking for forgiveness immediately

Answer explanation

Explanation: The video emphasizes that taking responsibility is the most important part of a sincere apology. Without it, an apology may not be meaningful.

"Understanding and accepting responsibility for your actions is what some researchers call the 'centerpiece of an apology.'" (1:07–1:15)

3. Why do good apologies feel difficult and vulnerable?

• A. Because they are costly and meaningful

• B. Because they don’t work most of the time

• 
  C. Because people don’t accept apologies easily

• 
  D. Because they require financial compensation

Answer explanation

Explanation: Apologies require admitting fault, which can be uncomfortable. However, this difficulty is what makes an apology sincere and valuable.

"But it’s okay if this feels difficult and vulnerable—it’s supposed to be! The costly nature of apologies is part of what makes them meaningful." (1:15–1:24)

4. What should you focus on when apologizing?

• A. Defending your actions

• 
  B. Understanding the other person’s perspective

• C. Explaining why it was not your fault

• D. Asking for forgiveness repeatedly

Answer explanation

Explanation: A good apology is not about making yourself feel better but about acknowledging how the other person feels and making amends.

"It’s about seeking to understand the perspective of the wronged party and repair the damage to your relationship." (1:34–1:41)

5. Why is saying 'I'm sorry YOU feel this way' considered a bad apology?

• A. It shifts the blame to the other person

• B. It fully accepts responsibility

• C. It expresses genuine regret

• D. It is a formal way of apologizing

Answer explanation

Explanation: This phrase makes it seem like the problem is the other person’s emotions rather than your actions, avoiding responsibility.

"So how can you reach beyond that terrible non-apology, 'I’m sorry YOU feel this way'?" (2:37–2:41)

6. In the example of Marie’s football match, why was she upset?

• A. She lost the game

• B. Her team played poorly

• C. The speaker broke a promise to attend

• D. She didn’t want the speaker to go to the concert

Answer explanation

Explanation: Marie wasn’t just upset about missing a friend; she was hurt because a promise was broken, making her feel unimportant.

"In this case, Marie might explain that she was disappointed you broke your promise, and she was really counting on your support." (2:59–3:08)

7. What does 'offer of repair' mean in an apology?

• A. Asking for forgiveness

• B. Explaining why you made a mistake

• C. Making an effort to fix the harm caused

• D. Ignoring the mistake and moving on

Answer explanation

Explanation: A good apology includes an action that helps fix the mistake, whether it's replacing what was lost or rebuilding trust.

"Researchers call this the 'offer of repair,' and it's often rated as one of the most critical parts of an apology." (3:48–3:52)

8. What is a common offer of repair mentioned in the video?

• A. Offering money as compensation

• B. Ignoring the situation until it is forgotten

• C. Making a commitment not to repeat the mistake

• D. Asking the other person to apologize too

Answer explanation

Explanation: A commitment to change shows sincerity, but it must be backed up by real action to be meaningful.

"One common offer of repair is a verbal commitment not to make the same mistake again, but promising to do better only works if you actually do better." (4:08–4:14)

9. According to the video, what is the goal of a good apology?

• A. To get forgiveness and move on quickly

• 
  B. To express remorse and accept accountability

• C. To prove that the mistake wasn’t your fault

• D. To make yourself feel better

Answer explanation

Explanation: The goal isn’t just to make things better for yourself but to take real responsibility and acknowledge the harm caused.

"But remember, apologies aren’t about getting forgiveness and moving on; they’re about expressing remorse and accepting accountability." (4:29–4:38)

10. What is the first step toward reconciliation?

• A. Forgetting the problem

• B. Making a good apology

• C. Ignoring the situation

• D. Waiting for the other person to apologize

Answer explanation

Explanation: A good apology doesn’t instantly fix everything, but it is necessary to begin rebuilding trust and repairing relationships.

"And the best apologies are just the first step on the road to reconciliation." (4:38–4:42)