TED: Even healthy couples fight — the difference is how | Julie and John Gottman

The video explores the dynamics of romantic relationships, emphasizing that how couples fight is crucial to their success. Research from the Gutmann Institute shows that fighting can be beneficial if done correctly. The study identifies three conflict styles and highlights the importance of maintaining a positive-to-negative interaction ratio. It warns against the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—as predictors of relationship failure. Effective conflict resolution involves understanding and managing perpetual problems. The video concludes with a call to use these insights to foster better relationships and a more peaceful world.

What is the key factor in determining the success of a relationship according to the Gutmann Institute?

• The way couples fight

• The frequency of fights

• The number of shared interests

• The duration of the relationship

What was a unique aspect of the research methodology used by the Gutmann Institute?

• Couples were given questionnaires to fill out

• Couples were videotaped and monitored physiologically

• Couples were observed in a natural setting

• Couples were interviewed separately

Which style of fighting involves expressing feelings calmly and moving into problem-solving?

• Conflict avoiders

• Conflict mediators

• Conflict validators

• Conflict volatiles

What is the minimum positive to negative response ratio needed for a successful relationship during conflicts?

• 3 to 1

• 5 to 1

• 6 to 1

• 4 to 1

Which of the following is NOT one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?

• Criticism

• Contempt

• Defensiveness

• Empathy

What is the term used to describe when a person feels overwhelmed during a conflict?

• Overloading

• Sinking

• Flooding

• Drowning

What is the primary goal of the 'Dreams Within Conflict' conversation technique?

• To win the argument

• To list grievances

• To understand each other's underlying dreams and values

• To avoid conflict altogether

What percentage of relationship conflicts are considered perpetual?

• 50%

• 75%

• 60%

• 69%

What is the biggest mistake couples make during conflicts according to the research?

• Fighting to win

• Fighting to compromise

• Fighting to avoid

• Fighting to agree

What is the ultimate goal of learning to fight right in relationships?

• To build a more loving and peaceful world

• To ensure one partner always wins

• To avoid all conflicts

• To have fewer disagreements