Improving Narrative Engagement

How could the beginning of the narrative be improved to make it more engaging? The day was hot, and the sun was bright. I decided to go to the local fair. I walked there by myself since my friends were busy. When I arrived, I bought a ticket and went inside. There were lots of people, and the noise was loud. I didn’t know where to start, so I just walked around for a while.

• By starting with a description of the weather.

• By adding a hook that describes the excitement or anticipation of going to the fair.

• By listing all the rides at the fair.

• By explaining why the friends couldn’t come.

Which revision would make the middle of the narrative more vivid and interesting? I saw a game booth where you could win a big stuffed animal. I wanted to win one, so I tried. I didn’t win, though. The man at the booth told me to try again, so I did, but I still didn’t win. After a few more tries, I gave up and walked away, feeling a little sad.

• Describing the main character’s feelings while playing the game in more detail.

• Adding more facts about the fair's history.

• Describing the cotton candy stand in great detail.

• Removing the Ferris wheel scene entirely.

What can be added to the ending to give the narrative a stronger sense of closure? After the Ferris wheel, I got some cotton candy and walked around some more. I saw a lot of things, but nothing else really interested me. After a while, I decided to go home. The walk back was quiet, and I was tired. When I got home, I went to bed early.

• A description of what the main character ate for dinner that night.

• A reflection on the overall experience of the day and what the main character learned.

• A list of other activities at the fair.

• A detailed account of the walk home.

Which sentence would make the beginning of the narrative more descriptive and engaging? The day was hot, and the sun was bright.

• 'The day was hot, and the sun was bright.'

• 'Sweat dripped down my back as I stepped into the blazing sunlight, excitement bubbling inside me as I headed to the fair.'

• 'I decided to go to the fair because it was a sunny day.'

• 'It was a hot day, and I wanted to go somewhere fun.'

Which change would most improve the description of the Ferris wheel experience in the middle of the narrative? Then, I saw the Ferris wheel. It looked like fun, so I got in line. When it was my turn, I got on and sat in the seat. As it started to go up, I looked down and saw the whole fair. It was a cool view, but I was a bit scared because I’m afraid of heights. I held on tight until it was over.

• Adding a comparison between the Ferris wheel and other rides.

• Including more sensory details about the view and the character’s emotions during the ride.

• Mentioning what the main character ate before getting on the Ferris wheel.

• Deleting the mention of the main character’s fear of heights.

What would be the best way to revise the part where the main character doesn’t win the stuffed animal? I saw a game booth where you could win a big stuffed animal. I wanted to win one, so I tried. I didn’t win, though. The man at the booth told me to try again, so I did, but I still didn’t win. After a few more tries, I gave up and walked away, feeling a little sad.

• Describe the disappointment in more detail, including thoughts and feelings.

• Mention how many tries the main character took.

• Describe the other prizes at the booth.

• Add dialogue between the main character and the booth operator.