Improving Narrative Engagement

How could the beginning of the narrative be improved to make it more engaging? The day was hot, and the sun was bright. I decided to go to the local fair. I walked there by myself since my friends were busy. When I arrived, I bought a ticket and went inside. There were lots of people, and the noise was loud. I didn’t know where to start, so I just walked around for a while.

• By starting with a description of the weather.

• By adding a hook that describes the excitement or anticipation of going to the fair.

• By listing all the rides at the fair.

• By explaining why the friends couldn’t come.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.3

CCSS.RI.7.3

CCSS.RI.8.3

CCSS.RI.9-10.3

CCSS.RL.5.3

Which revision would make the middle of the narrative more vivid and interesting? I saw a game booth where you could win a big stuffed animal. I wanted to win one, so I tried. I didn’t win, though. The man at the booth told me to try again, so I did, but I still didn’t win. After a few more tries, I gave up and walked away, feeling a little sad.

• Describing the main character’s feelings while playing the game in more detail.

• Adding more facts about the fair's history.

• Describing the cotton candy stand in great detail.

• Removing the Ferris wheel scene entirely.

What can be added to the ending to give the narrative a stronger sense of closure? After the Ferris wheel, I got some cotton candy and walked around some more. I saw a lot of things, but nothing else really interested me. After a while, I decided to go home. The walk back was quiet, and I was tired. When I got home, I went to bed early.

• A description of what the main character ate for dinner that night.

• A reflection on the overall experience of the day and what the main character learned.

• A list of other activities at the fair.

• A detailed account of the walk home.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RI.8.10

CCSS.RL.6.10

CCSS.RL.7.10

Which sentence would make the beginning of the narrative more descriptive and engaging? The day was hot, and the sun was bright.

• 'The day was hot, and the sun was bright.'

• 'Sweat dripped down my back as I stepped into the blazing sunlight, excitement bubbling inside me as I headed to the fair.'

• 'I decided to go to the fair because it was a sunny day.'

• 'It was a hot day, and I wanted to go somewhere fun.'

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.10

CCSS.RI.7.10

CCSS.RL.6.10

CCSS.RL.7.10

CCSS.RL.8.10

Which change would most improve the description of the Ferris wheel experience in the middle of the narrative? Then, I saw the Ferris wheel. It looked like fun, so I got in line. When it was my turn, I got on and sat in the seat. As it started to go up, I looked down and saw the whole fair. It was a cool view, but I was a bit scared because I’m afraid of heights. I held on tight until it was over.

• Adding a comparison between the Ferris wheel and other rides.

• Including more sensory details about the view and the character’s emotions during the ride.

• Mentioning what the main character ate before getting on the Ferris wheel.

• Deleting the mention of the main character’s fear of heights.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.3

CCSS.RI.7.3

CCSS.RI.8.3

CCSS.RL.4.3

CCSS.RL.5.3

What would be the best way to revise the part where the main character doesn’t win the stuffed animal? I saw a game booth where you could win a big stuffed animal. I wanted to win one, so I tried. I didn’t win, though. The man at the booth told me to try again, so I did, but I still didn’t win. After a few more tries, I gave up and walked away, feeling a little sad.

• Describe the disappointment in more detail, including thoughts and feelings.

• Mention how many tries the main character took.

• Describe the other prizes at the booth.

• Add dialogue between the main character and the booth operator.

Tags

CCSS.RI.6.3

CCSS.RI.7.3

CCSS.RI.8.3

CCSS.RI.9-10.3

CCSS.RL.5.3